10/28/09

Pontiac Grand Prix - Eat Your Quaker Oats

This is just a really nice painting. I can't stand modern pontiacs. Overdesigned, underengineered, cheesy and cheap is how I'd describe them. Product managers spend all the money on the motor and cut every possible corner on the rest of the vehicle. This one's pretty, though, and even prettier in this mixed media rendering.

It's a full page ad from 1961. Click on the image to see/save it in really high reolution.It looks like watercolor or Dr. Martin's inks with maybe guache painted on top. I dunno. Technique can make these things hard to call.

By 1961, auto makers had recovered from the juvenile whale tail craze of the fifties, when cars had silly shark fins on the back. Also, the chrome bumpers that looked like brassieres were mercifully finished. Straight, clean lines were in fashion and I think these made cars look more grown up and less goofy.

To show that nothing goes away forever, cars now seem to be returning to a hysterical over-designed style, with creases and criss-crossing character lines all over the place. Gives me a headache looking at them.

Anyway, I didn't think I'd have a joke to make about this picture, but guess what? Wilford Brimley seems to be talking to the young owners of the car, probably about oatmeal. "I know you two kids think your new automobile is the bees knees, but that doesn't mean you can neglect your health. Take this free packet of Quaker Oatmeal on your journey, won't you?"

The youg couple reject Wilford's offer, calling him a "square", doing that thing in the air with their fingers that makes a square. Wilford becomes enraged, his chest cavity opening like a large vertical mouth, and engulfs the young man's head. The wife stares, too shocked to scream, even as arterial spray dots her sunny yellow dress. Just as she draws breath, tentacles from Wilfred's mouth loop around her throat, cutting off her cry before it happens, and she is lifted off her feet by the creature that has was two men but is now one. Her legs wave in the air spasmodically, and their combined throats scream its alien rage, a strange, wheezing groan. Sungold Metallic paint was fifty dollars extra for the model year.

Man, that was a great movie.

1 comments:

Mat Black said...

YOU MUST NOT SHARE FORBIDDEN KNOWLEDGE OF THE WALRUS-MAN!!!

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