So here's the Appian Way pizza kit. "The original pizza." Hmm. really?!?!?! Appian invented pizza? In an effort to give the company the benefit of the doubt, I tried to read it like this: "The original pizza mix and sauce", using the text on the banner below as part of the sentence. That would narrow it down to a more plausible claim. But you know what? Two phrases placed on different graphical elements in this way definitely looks like two separate thoughts. It's not one sentence. Appian really is claiming to have invented pizza! Eff you Appian. I've never heard of your pizza, and neither has Wikipedia."Build yourself a pizza, right at home. Looks like some tomato sauce and some cheese. It also looks like a giant scab. Lesson one of advertising (Not really lesson one. What the hell do I know?): Don't photograph your food in black and white. Adding some red spot color isn't much better than black and white. No food looks good rendered in gray and red, unless you're selling wounds. "Road rash pizza mix. Contains one elbow and a chunk of asphalt. Directions: Thaw contents. Apply asphalt to elbow. Rub really hard."
The art in this ad is pretty great. I like the spaced-out hostess offering some sca... -err, PIZZA to that Thunderbirds puppet. Fololw her gaze. She's not even looking at him! She's looking... well, by the blissed-out look on her face, she could be looking at David Bowie floating around the room like in Flight of the Conchords. What the heck is in that pizza?
It looks like there's a lot of air escaping from the pizza. See all those white strings wiggling up from it? Everyone knows that fans come with white strings tied to them so that you can tell they're on. Therefore, this pizza must be generating a lot of wind somehow. It must be updrafts of air, off the coasts of the islands of cheese powder floating in the tomato sea.
At the bottom, there's a really nice clip-arty drawing of a pizza making lady. See how fancy she is! She looks regal and confident... almost conceited. However, her lips are off registration, making her look like she just got punched in slow motion... probably for making that shitty pizza again.
Posts
8 comments:
Pizza-pie went the way of quotes around "electronic" or "supercharged," and dashes in words like tele-vision and web-site.
I'm working on bringing that all back.
Ahoy hoy, I have enjoyed inter-facing with you on this web-site. 23-skidoo.
PS: What the hell kind of an outfit has offices in San Jose, California and Worcester, Massachusetts?
"Why, yes, we have an office in Palm Beach, and a second in Upper Volta."
"23 skidoo" is a phrase with a pretty interesting story behind it. I suggest looking up the origins using technology, if you haven't already, which you probably have. Ah well.
Good thing we have Mr. Burns to keep the "old talk" alive.
Thanks for reading!
"Our global presence is managed from our HQ offices in Thunder Bay and Helsinki, to meet customer needs, wherever they may arise.. in either place."
Flarkman wasn't happy about that transfer to Food Specialties, Inc.'s Mogadishu office, but if I told him once, I told him a thousand times: courtesy flush!
ok, so you judged a product you had never heard of. I didnt see anywhere that you acutually tried this product. Myself, I grew up with it and sure, its no pizzeria but it beets frozen, hands down. You can still get it but I'm seeing posts that they have changed the sauce recipe. I loved this stuff and though it may not be the original pizza nor the best pizza, it does still rank up there as a good comfort food like kraft mac-n-cheese with hotdogs.
Correct, I judged a pizza having never eaten it. It looks horrible - especially printed in grey and red.
Grey and a spot color was the norm in those days. And yes it looks terrible...but those were the days. My mom has whole cookbooks in the grey and red color scheme. I guess they picked red so they could really show off red meats, tomato garnishes and lobster claws. No such thing as a full color cookbook in those days. By the way...the pizza may have been the absolute best, but the pans they made were meant to last. I STILL use an Appian Way Pizza Pie Mix pan in the kitchen. Can you imagine a "give-away" lasting 50 years today? Can you imagine a "give-away" for that matter?
Post a Comment