1/18/10

Teledoctoring - Better than nothing, until "Nothing Doctoring" is invented.




Joke #1: Teledoctoring replaces inefficient house calls with terrifying, traumatic experience.

Joke #2: "Mr Jones, there seems to be something wrong with your pincer. It's all squishy and has too many claws. I can't imagine how you've been getting all your pincing done."

Joke #3: "You think you're sick? This thing here... your "ARM". These are what I miss most about being a severed doctor head in a box. Thanks for rubbing it in, jerk."

Joke #4: Teledoctoring successfully treats all major afflictions of the left arm. Other body parts to be reached in future decades, after "wheels" are invented.

Joke #5: Teledoctoring replaces Radiodoctoring. Mortality rate slightly improves.

Joke #6: Eliminating the need for house calls, Teledoctoring allows the physician to verify that the patient is still dead, many times throughout his day, without leaving his office.

Joke #7: Teledoctoring replaces all outdated means of lifting the arm and poking it.

Joke #8: Teledoctoring replaces inefficient house calls, for ninety-five cents for the first minute, five dollars for each additional minute. Average call time, seventeen hours.

Joke #9: "Thank you for using Teledoctor. Your call is very important to us. For leprosy, press one. For emphysema, press two. For crushed hand, press three. For all other ailments, please remain sick and one of our ridiculous contraptions will be with you shortly. Thank you for using Teledoctor. Your call is..."

 Joke #10: "Hmm. Well, pinching your arm reveals nothing out of the ordinary. Where did you say this 'colon cancer' was bothering you?

2 comments:

craig f. said...

How does the teledoctor get to the house?

Does somebody show up with a truck? What if your bedroom is on the 9th floor and somebody has to lug that behemoth up nine flights of stairs?

Or are we all just expected to have that piece of furniture in the bedroom for decades, until we're finally so ill that we can't arise from bed?

And what kind of disease could you possibly have that could a) leave you bedridden and b) be diagnosed by groping your arm?

For God's sake "PopSci," why do you leave us with such unanswered questions?!

Phil Are Go! said...

You'd well assume that this picture came from PopSci. BUT, it's from an article in Life magazine about sci-fi publisher Hugo Gernsback, whom they call "the P.T. Barnum of science".

I thought about posting the whole article and more pictures, but it seemed too cumbersome. There's another picture from the article with a hilarious martian. Gotta use that some time soon.

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