9/8/10

Old Gold - Overposed.

Here we see Old Gold cigarettes being pushed as "safer" than other cigarettes. This is like getting crushed by the smallest piano in town. But we're not going to poke fun at the ridiculous claims of cigarette companies (although I will point out that back in 1952, the truth in advertising laws were even more useless than they are now, and Old Gold was not required to even mention what study supported their bullshit claims). Nope. Today we're taking the high road and making fun of the overposed model.

Presumably, this super dramatic picture is meant to resemble the "you may now kiss the bride" part of a wedding. Your heart is supposed to melt, imagining what it would be like to kiss this lovely woman who has just dedicated her life to you, whose mouth smells like a trash fire.

Think of all you'd have to look forward to, waking up as her husband on a fresh September day, with the trees just turning orange, smelling her first smoke of the day drifting up the stairs from the living room, soaking it's reek into the carpet and all your clothes. Maybe you'd make some toast, listening to her hack up a half pound of phlegm into the bathroom sink while just starting in on her second smoke of the day. At least you'd have lots of time together in a few decades, while trying to figure out how you'd pay for her lung surgery, which would buy her a few more years, ultimately leaving you with crippling debt after her early funeral and futile cancer treatments. If things go well, maybe only one of your kids would have diminished lung capacity and asthma.

There's just one thing to make her picture prettier...




 Aah. There we go. A lifetime of pleasure.





3 comments:

Sue said...

What's with her one gloved hand? Is that her smoking hand?

Phil Are Go! said...

I think she took off the glove to have her finger beringed. Don't some brides put it on over the glove? I thought I'd seen that, too.

Anyway, thanks for your persistent readment of my little joke receptacle, Sue!

Phil said...

I love it: "Do you want to live happily ever after with your cigarette?" That slays me!

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