11/4/10

Testing Apparatus

Joke #1 - Seen here in our PA department, the condom tester can wear -  and test - four prophylactics at once. Some of the guys call it "the luckiest machine in the lab".

Joke #2 - For the discerning hot dog connoisseur, our premium franks are precision extruded from the finest animal paste. Their ends are then machined to near mathematically flawless hemispheres. Our hot dogs deliver the purest cased meat experience, thanks to our continuing research in wienology.

Joke #3 - Our #26 Heavy Joint Pins are nearly complete. To optimize the metal's crystalline structure, they're about to be dipped into four of the six cryogenic bath receptacles to improve strength. Two of the cryogenic bath receptacles will not receive Heavy Joint Pins. That's because those cryogenic bath receptacles are uglier than the others.

Joke #4 - Seen here in our PA department, the condom tester can wear - and test - four prophylactics at once. Only in the last year have we had the technology for this machine to perform this test without our "back seat of an '85 Monte Carlo" simulator.

Joke #5 - Inside the development labs of the American Dildonics Corporation. Winner of the Chicago Chamber of Commerce's 2009 "most stolen sign" award. Previously held by Precision Enhancement Numerics Integrated Solutions.

Joke #6 - Here in the Hillshire Farms research kitchens, four juicy, savory experimental sausages are about to be dipped into sample reservoirs of our new "Temptacious" sauces. The tester will then manually eat the sausages and report his findings to the Deliciousness Panel. Personnel in this position are now rotated monthly, after numerous insurance claims associated with obesity, congestive heart failure, and Spontaneous Wisconsin Accent Syndrome, dontchaknow.

Joke #7 - A rare look inside the labs of the Suggestively Shaped Instrument Testing Facility at St. Immature University's Giggle Suppression Foundation.

3 comments:

Dan said...

I'm glad the Double Entendre and Innuendo Creation Staff (formerly the Double Entendre and Innuendo Department) is back on the job, describing Precision Enhancement Numerics Integrated Solutions.

Phil Are Go! said...

Hmm, I'm not sure what you're getting at. Doesn't everyone need their precision to be numerically enhanced integratedfully?

I'll have to get the Cryptographic Research And Perception team to figure out that remark for me.

Thanks for reading, always, Dan!

Phil Are Go! said...

>>INTERNAL MEMO, OFFICE OF THE EDITOR, PHIL ARE GO!<<

To: Double Entendre and Innuendo Creation Staff

Re: You Guys

Dear associates,

I have recently been reminded by commenter designated "Dan" that, not to put too fine a point on it, you exist. Please understand that GO! tower is a large building, and I cannot be expected to remember about all you people every moment of the day. Please get back to work and enough with the Mad Libs already. Write me some damn jokes of thinly veiled obscenity or I'll have you all doing tire rotations down in the motor pool so fast your heads will spin.

PS: Dirty words typed on an upside down calculator don't qualify as useful work. Please try harder than that.

PPS: The coffee machine in the north corner of lounge 16 has been repaired. The owner of the cheese sandwich is encouraged to collect his/her improvised "coffee filter" in the alley dumpster.

Thank you,

Mgmt.

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