2/22/11

White Goop - Love from above.

Joke #1 - Sixty cups bleached flour. 140 teaspoons baking powder. Forty teaspoons salt. 40 Tablespoons granulated sugar. 50 tablespoons sugar. Forty eggs. Five pounds butter. Two pounds Oxycontin. One pound excellence in broadcasting: Recipe for Rush Limbaugh's "hooray for me" pancakes.

Joke #2 - Ken sighed. Great... the machine had jammed again. Now he had to interrupt the bolus with the stick and check the rectoform analyzer. He didn't look forward to shoving his arm up the colonizer to clear the blockage. He'd be late for dinner, not that he'd be able to eat. Some days, working as an excretion monitor at SphinctroTech wasn't all that is was cracked up to be.

Joke #3 - "... and if you'll all follow me into the next room, you can all see where we add the 'elfin magic', which is my favorite part of the tour!"

Joke #4 - "Each mail box flag is coated in a protective layer of paint, to keep the wood from drying out. The drain pan catches the overflow paint, where it is checked for cigarette butts before being sequestered at the bottom of Onondaga Lake."

Joke #5 - The hog slurry now emerges from the mixing vat and is deposited in pans to cool a few degrees. Then, pot ash and recycled phone books are added as extenders. The resulting "meat blanks" are then carved into their final shape by Oscar Meyer's carefully trained Bologna Artisans.

Joke #6 - During the development of safety glass, Owens-Corning tested many materials for use in automotive windshields. Here we see an early prototype being poured from molten peanut butter. Crash tests determined the windshield to be "dangerously delicious".

Joke #7 has been brought to you by the letter Craig. Thanks Craig! - Great Moments in Marshmallow Fluff History: Prior to the discovery of sandwiches, scientists at the Los Alamos National Fluff Laboratory experimented with Fluff as a bonding agent.

1 comments:

Craig said...

Great Moments in Marshmallow Fluff History:

Prior to the discovery of sandwiches, scientists at the Los Alamos National Fluff Laboratory experimented with Fluff as a bonding agent.

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