4/15/11

Decorating Ideas 1971 - Stick it to me!

What's that? "Not more decorating help from The Seventies!"? That's right! More decorating help from The Seventies! Today's tips are for those without the energy or facility to cut things or use a hammer. Like they said on Popular Variety Show Of That Era, "Stick it to me!" or whatever!

TAPE WALL

If you've been wondering how your friends have been getting that :"I have tape" look in their decorating, try this exciting fireplace accent wall! Materials: 1. Tape.

Step 1 - First, look at the wall and try to imagine what it would look like with a bunch of tape on it. Keep imagining until you almost reconsider and spend the afternoon doing something else. You're ready to begin.

Step 2 - Start applying tape to the edges of the wall. This will help you understand what a straight line looks like. Once you've got the hang of it, venture out into the middle of the wall with your tape, trying to keep it straight. Then keep it diagonal. Do some small exes and boxes.

Note: Choose the brand of tape carefully. Some brands of masking tape may contain an adhesive that can break down when exposed to excessive heat, say, from an open flame or perhaps fireplace. This may exude strange fumes that could alter your consciousness, clouding your judgement.

Step 3 (optional) - If you're feeling really ambitious, give your tape wall a focal point by putting up a shelf with an ostrich statue, to remind everyone about the country or something. If you're not so ambitious, have your neighbor do it for you. Tell him/her that no, you don't want to peel all that tape off first.

Just imagine your next key party...

Friend: "I love how you cleverly masked off a pattern on this wall and then painted around it, subsequently peeled off the tape, leaving this striking modern design."

You: "Ha ha! No, I'm less clever than that. I put tape on the wall!"

SHEET MUSIC PIANO

If you've got a perfectly good piano rattling around your house, why not wallpaper it with sheet music? Materials: 1. Perfectly good piano. 2. Sheet music. 3. wallpaper paste.

Step 1 - Look at your piano and try to notice that it is made of squares. Choose some of these squares for covering with destroyed sheet music. A libretto from an Italian opera or rare copy of a Brandenburg concert is as good as anything else. What else are you going to do with it?

Step 2 - Liberally besmear your piano with wallpaper adhesive. If you don't have a brush, you can use a cat. Or if you're really thinking, turn the piano on it's side and just pour the glue on. If you're "actually really" thinking, you won't do this, because when you flip the piano over to do a different side, the glue will run all over. But, you're probably not thinking that hard. So, just flip the thing over and regret it later.

Step 3 - Apply your soon-to-be worthless sheet music to the various panels of your piano using an uncertain sticking motion. Try to re-position the music using a futile re-positioning type of motion. Then, frown at your work using a disappointed regretting type of motion.

Step 4 - Try to trim off any excess sheet music using an X-Acto knife, while failing to note the irony that this is pretty much the least exacting thing the knife will ever be used for. After trying to trim the excess music, give up and wash your hands.

After completing the project, you may notice two things. 1: The glue and paper prevent some of the sound from escaping the piano. This is probably okay, considering what you've just done is not the act of a music fan. 2: Poorly adhered edges of the paper will buzz and rattle when the piano is played. This is okay for the same reason. Enjoy the consequences of your actions.

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2 comments:

Craig said...

Here's a disturbing resurrection of a 1970s trend I witnessed over the weekend:

I saw a 2010 Porsche Cayman in turd brown.

Who the hell buys a BROWN Porsche.

I bet he has a macrame keychain.

Phil Are Go! said...

I'll bet it was slightly cheaper than the other colors. The Cayman is the cheapest Porsche, if I recall. A brown Cayman may be even cheaper than a nice Cayman.

Seen any Panameras out in the wild yet? I think Porsche has really lost their collective mind.

Thanks Craig!

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