4/26/11

Kooking Kornir - Expanded Meat Foam Extrusion Sandwich.

Today, let's make a lunch to satisfy the appetite of your brawniest lumberjack or other homo-erotic stereotype! Build your viking an expanded meat foam extrusion sandwich! He'll be deconstructing it for days!
Begin by pulverizing two pounds of animal meat. Distill the meat slurry into a monomer using the enzyme of your choice. (For some great articles on this season's most popular enzymes, see the article in last month's Better Homes "Enzymes, Copolymers and the Hungry Family).

Allow the resulting monomer to oxidize overnight in a vacuum chamber, forming a jelly (meat-a-styroloxyd). Morning is the time to mix in the pickle fragments and seasoning before long carbon chains can form. We always like a little horse radish and cumin, but always trust your taste!

Mix in 1/2 cup of Kraft hydrocarbon expanding agent. Keep cool until you're ready for the extrusion procedure. Pour the oxyd into a holding vessel and prepare your extrusion apparatus. Choose a die in the approximate shape of a slice of bread. Why? Don't forget, you're making a sandwich! Adjust the extrusion pressure to 75 psi for beef. Working with pork? 50psi should do the trick! Vole requires much less pressure (15psi) or the mixture will atomize, wrecking your lunch and necessitating evacuation in a 300 yard perimeter.

Pour the meat oxyd into the extruder and set the steam temperature to 200 degrees. This will cause the expanding agent to boil, softening the meat and causing it to expand. Timing is critical at this stage. Using the pressure described above, force the expanding meat through the die. The meat foam should expand and polymerize as it emerges from the die, assuming the delicious shape of your lunch. Allow to cool and stabilize. Don't stomp or it will fall! Stare with caution.

Slice and serve between two slices of brown. Our serving suggestion is flanked by tomato microcubes and lettuce. Also put some mustard.

Lunch construction complete! Consume!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

genius, thank you!

Phil Are Go! said...

You're right. The person who developed StyroBeef planks is a genius! Thanks for posting, Ann Nonymous!

Post a Comment