Joke #2 - Grandpa had been in the bottle again tonight. Ted knew what this meant. All night long, he would be calling him a "slacker", demanding to know why he was to good to have his legs, pelvis, and half of his torso blown off by "jerry" and too good to spend the rest of his life scooting around the living room floor in a wagon.
Joke #3 - Winner, 1941 Academy Award for the most dramatic "pull my finger" scene in a serious screenplay: Victor Fleming's The Flatulist.
Joke #4 - "Happy birthday to YOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU!"
Joke #5 - Great. Grandpa was in one of his "lying on the floor and looking up your nose and offering to 'get that' for you" moods.
Joke #6 - "Jeez, dad! We were only talking about maybe putting you in a home. How long were you hiding under my chair, anyway?"
Joke #7 - "BANG! See there, son? If I was a communist, you'd be dead already. Gotta stay sharp. Now, help me fill in this foxhole before your mother gets home."
Joke#8 - 1941 Allstate life insurance Salesman of the Year Bud Voont, demonstrating the importance of a comprehensive "falling out of your chair" policy.
Joke #9 - "Beware the ides of next Tuesday!"
Joke #10 - "You think you've seen clean carpet? Yeah? Get down here with me and I'll show you how clean carpet can be, son!"
Joke #11 - "Houses of the Holy... better than Supertramp's Breakfast in America? I HAVE NO SON!!!!"
[Commenter jokes will be added to the post -Mgmt.]
Joke #12 comes from Comatoast. Thanks CT! - "Ha! If you thought the rotten milk in the fridge smelled like crud you should smell this!
Jokes #13 to 16 are from Bob. (BTW, check out his blog from some brilliant Anchorman drawings. http://bobrissetto.blogspot.com/2011/09/stay-classy.html) Well joked, Boob!
Joke #13 - "Your honor, it was HIM! The man with chair legs for legs!"
Joke #14 - "...so is THIS where the assailant touched you?"
Joke #15 - "Look out! It's an arrogant MadMan!"
Joke #16 - "I'm right in front of you, Jim. Get your eyes re-checked."
Joke #17 Comes from new-ish commenter John Josef. Thanks John! - Daniel began to question the authenticity of "Rain-Moon's School of Holistic Optometry"