10/28/11

Kooking Kornir - Loaf meat.

Hey eaters! Of course you grew up eating your Mom's meat loaf. It's an old fashioned favorite, right? You betcha! Well, it's time for Mom to learn a thing or two about loafing up meats. This is 1971, so there had better be room in her recipe book for a modern take on good old meat loaf. We're going to "sock it to her" with our Loaf Meat! Yeah!

To start, you'll need a loaf of Italian bread 16 inches long by 10 inches wide. Remove the lid and scoop out the center (or "bread guts"), after first making a lid by slicing off the top of the bread.

The bread guts are not meat in any way, and therefore nutritionally irrelevant. So, out it goes. Throw it in the trash or set it on fire at your leisure. Now, back to meat!

Mix four pounds of ground beef and four eggs in your best beef mixing bowl. Also, some onion or whatever. When mixed, stop mixing. Pour the beef into the bread shell to a depth of two inches, then include six wieners on top of this beef base strata. Also, include a few pickles or small fish (The picture isn't very clear, but play it safe and put in both!). Resume the beef mix inclusion until the beef is completely included in the bread shell.

Replace the bread lid, cover with high quality beef foil and bake at 375 degrees for two hours in your favorite beef oven. The beef will shrink in size as it cooks itself. This extra space will be taken up by the flavor juices that renders out of the beef. It may form pockets in the boundary layer around the wieners and pickles or fish things. This is normal and desirable.

If you scooped out your bread guts properly, leaving the bread shell just the right thickness, the flavor juices will seep through the bread right up to the durable Italian crust without dripping out. Did it stay in? Hooray! Did it drip out? Well, just remember that water only makes grease fires worse.

Just wait 'till your family puts a fork in this Loaf Meat! They'll think it's an ordinary bread roast. Then they'll be all "Whoa! Beef!". Then they'll go "Hey! Wieners!" and "Pickles or some small fish I'm not sure! Wow!" and then they'll find the flavor juices and go all "Flavor juice pockets! Slurp!" Mom's meat loaf might as well admit defeat. Mom has surely had it socked to her by this! Loaf Meat's socking-it-to-mom abilities will surely go undoubted! Opa!


4 comments:

xritl said...

Man, I wore out my copy of "Beef Mix Inclusion." That album rocked.

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Ah, I think you remember incorrectly. Beef Mix Inclusion was the band. The album was Fish Face Simulacrum.

Ten gold stars to anyone who gets that joke.

Thanks for reading, xritl!

[-Mgmt.]

Charley29 said...

Love the food! You’re amazing. This menu is fantastic:) It sure will help everyone who’s looking for a perfect menu like this. Thank you for sharing this recipe.

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Thanks Charley! If you survive, please leave your review of Loaf Meat in the comments section again.

Thanks for reading!
[-Mgmt.]

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