3/28/12

Lucien Lelong's "Indiscrete" - Randall and me.

Here's an eye-opener. In otherwise-buttoned down 1947, the surprisingly straight Lucien Lelong released a perfume titled "Indiscrete". That's a little on the nose, don't you think?
I mean, sure, perfumes are an industry built on the fantasy of passion and irresistible sexual something or other. Surely some women of the era concealed secret dreams of promiscuity. But "Indiscrete"? Wowzers!

You know what's the definition of "indiscrete"? Being a closet hussy who buys a bottle of perfume with the word "indiscrete" written on it. The bottle is shaped a little like a dress or skirt, and the detail at the bottom of the bottle is more than a little vaginal. Well, say what you want about old Lucien, but he can't be accused of sending mixed messages. I'd be interested to see the bottle that Lucien's cologne (you know, for men) comes in.

Other evocative new scents available from Lucien Lelong...

-Wanton
-Randomly Chosen
-Barely Selective
-Not At All Careful
-Indiscriminate
-Open For Business
-Dilated







*Ring ring*

Editor's desk. This better be good.
Oh hi, Randall. What's the good word in the Research and Googling department this morning? Yeah. The perfume post. Good stuff, eh? "Open for business", hah! Good, I tells ya. I'm on fire, baby. Never been funnier. Anyway, what can I do for you?

Yeah. It' was called "Indiscrete". Can you believe it? Leave it to the French!  In 1947, no less! Pretty racy!
I- wha? The hell you say. No...
Of course I know what "Indiscrete" means. Kinda careless and like a floozy. You know, "lacking discretion". What am I, some kinda dope or somethin?
What?
Get the eff oh.
Fine, I'm looking it up. Clickety clicking as we speak.
Well son of a.
"Indivisible or not divided into parts." "Often confused with 'indiscreet'". God dammit.
Well, hell, man! That's a perfectly serviceable name for a perfume. You know, "inseperable" and romantic crap like that! That's not funny at all! What the eff am I gonna do? I got all these great jokes written and they just turned to bupkis! I got no post! I'm stuffed, Randall! I'm gonna look like a chump!
We're gonna lose sponsors! When we get some, I mean.
Oh, I suppose you knew the difference between "indiscrete" and "indiscreet" all along, mister U of I? Did you learn all that vocabulary while you were wearing the husky costume for nearly half a season's worth of away games? Yeah, go and shut up. If you already knew, then why'd you have to look it up, too?
No, YOUR ma!
Look, maybe we can assume that most people don't know those are two different words. I mean, we didn't, so why would anybody else? Oh shut up, you did not. Poser.
Oh, listen to you: "We mustn't rely for the ignorance of our readers. It is our goal to inform and educate..." Just listen to you. Frikkin' wanker. Wrap yourself in editorial integrity all of a sudden, your majesty. Your carriage is ready.
Too bad. The post runs as-is. My decision. Not yours. Eff you.
Nobody's gonna know the difference, so quit whining. I have half a mind to fire you. Promote your assistant into your position so I can fire you. I'm absolutely gonna fire you. Stop talking. STOP TALKING!
Oh wouldn't I?
Go and research something, mister integrity. You didn't know what "indiscrete" meant either so shut the hell up. Get to work so I can fire you.
*click*
Jagoff.





2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Now that was effing FUNNY, dammit!
I could barely spray on my new Lucien Lelong cologne, "Vive le Genitale".

Anonymous 2

Fil said...

'Lelong' is French for 'long labia'.

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