Joke #1 - Grim Laboratories new GentleFrown ChemChair system lets the user adjust the amount of depression he or she needs. Depressants are administered in doses from "leave me alone" to "that button seems so far away", so people need never be happier than they want to be.
Joke #2 - PowerTable. Now available with manual or automatic transmission.
Joke #3 - Dawn reached for her Robo-Butler control panel. Sure, work was always a little stressful, but this week had been horrible. Robo Pierce Brosnan and Robo Adrian Zmed had done the trick, but now they both needed repair. Ugh. She was down to Robo Denny Terio. Jeez. Good thing today was Friday.
Joke #4 - Popular Science, bringing the world of technology to virgins of all types since 1872.
Joke #5 - Frump-O-Tron allows user to adjust the amount of frumpy they are, to one of six levels, carefully chosen by a panel of nuns. Also available in "dowdy" and "mousey" versions.
Joke #6 - Dawn heard footsteps in stairwell B. Mr. Bond again, no doubt. She reached for the button that would fold the steps into a frictionless steel ramp, leading to a set of spikes. Good thing tomorrow was garbage day. Those Mr. Bond bodies were starting to attract raccoons.
Joke #7 - The Elvis-Tone console television now features a self-shooting mechanism, saving you the trouble and expense of shooting it yourself when nothing is on.
Joke #8 is a highly literate contribution from Sue. Thanks Sue! - Sylvia Plath: The Happy Years.
Joke #9 Comes to us from the mind of Anonymous 2. Thanks A2! - Dawn loved her new "Aut-O-Matic Sweater"! She had already "Aut-O-Matically" rolled up her sleeves & undid her first four buttons as the manual instructed! She was about to release the top button, when her "Venus Wrist-Slitter Plant" decided today was the day...
[Commenter jokes will be added to the post. -Mgmt.]
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