Joke #2 - Inside Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine's new "Department of Therapeutic Knobs and Dials".
Joke #3 - As with all technology, the development of the scanning electron microscope was driven by the need to view very small pornography.
Joke #5 - What one lens in Roy Orbison's glasses would look like today if he were still alive.
Joke #6 - Being a Sony product, the new microscope could only be used with proprietary Sony brand "memory sticks", which stored up to 48 bytes of imaging data, were supported by no other manufacturers, and cost over twenty thousand dollars each.
Joke #7 - "You better not be building a scanning electron microscope down there!" "No, I'm just masturbating, mother!"
Joke #8 comes from Jim D. whose vibrant career in the sciences makes it hard for him to believe he failed 100-level radiometric carbon dating class, freshman year. Here's to turning it all around, Jim! - Professor Schlangfanger's eyes had a mischevious glint as he invited me to look through his "inss-trew-ment" - - - and just a moment too late, it occurred to me that perhaps I was being tricked into looking through a hole in the console - - a hole conveniently aligned with - - - sure enough. And that's how I came to play the sucker in the world's most elaborate, and expensive, version of the old "hole in the bottom of the popcorn tub" trick.
Joke #9 issues forth from Misterfancyhotballs_2, who does an awful lot of issuing, it must be said. Thanks, MFHB2! - Jack sensed something oddly familiar about those "electronic beans" he traded that milking machine for...He had only left them charging on his desk overnight.
[Commenter jokes will be added to the post. -Mgmt.]