3/14/14

Kelvinator Mediterranean Refrigerator - Business in front, party out back.

Hey redecorators! Do you need to replace your boring old bulbous fridge from the Eisenhower era? Have we got the upgrade for you! Go Mediterranean with the new Kelvinator. Sure, it looks classy on the outside, but inside it's all wild party time! Woo-woo! Look at that smart, sophisticated wood-grain refrigerator. What is this? The secret door to an hep classy sex dungeon? No, stupid! It's the refrigerator! Check it out, groovy!




Kelvinator borrowed the styling for their new refrigerators from The Mediterranean Sea, which is where Spain comes from! So, now you can have a fridge identical to the ones owned by dozens of everyone in the Mediterranean Sea. That's classy as crap! See how the handles are needlessly ornamental and overdone? That's how you know you're fancy! It's just a thing you pull on to open the door, but because you have so much culture and stuff, you can have curlicues and swirls all over it! Otherwise, people would think you're a tasteless loser, right?

See those beveled panels stamped into the door? Each one of those bevels was hand-carved into the metal dies by old-world artisans from Italy or wherever. Then, those dies were rammed into a sheet of steel, which had been printed with rich mahogany wood texture, just like Old World Fridgemakers used to do in the 1600s, probably while drinking wine and dying of syphilis.

See the lady's sash? That's how we know she's a Spaniard.

Sure you think it's all class and taste on the outside, but open it up. Brain explode! Movable shelves! Stuff on the doors! Gaaaaah! Ice-making robut! Cray-zeeee!

There. Now you are dead from crazy.







2 comments:

[lrf] said...

Joanne Worley's smoldering bedroom eyes invite you into a decadent world of wood-grained refrigerators...

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Wow! Joanne Worley. nice pull, lrf!

[-Mgmt.]

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