8/6/14

Exercycle - Youthful energy for the elderly.

It's all right, citizens. Please return to your homes. There is now a safe and effective method to achieve youthful levels of energy, even if you're really old and decrepit. You know... older than thirty-five.

Yes, contrary to conventional wisdom, you no longer need to go off into the woods and shoot yourself on your 35th birthday, thanks to the miracle nowhere-go-round invention of the Exercycle. The electric motor does all the work. Abandon all your old-fashioned ideas that you must put forth muscular effort to perform vital exercise. You probably believe that crazy garbage because you're thirty five, don't you? Don't be a stupid old jerk. Buy an Exercycle or you'll be dead before you turn thirty-six. See your Exercycle dealer for the special handlebar-mounted ash tray accessory.



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2 comments:

Mat Black said...

http://diettogo.com/data/fe/file/promo/_issues_29_assets_images_pena5.jpg
For a truly effective work-out we must look to our great-great grandfathers for inspiration. A proper gentleman doesn't submit to the capricious whims of fashion by wearing so-called "exercise togs". Perish the thought! One simply commissions a master tailor to create a proper suit of clothes from terrycloth, seersucker, black flannel or asbestos (it's really up to the individual) and then one must refuse to perspire whilst undergoing the desired fitness regiment. Also, the threat of a swift whack on one's bits-and-dangler by a cast iron lever is quite a necessary motivator to achieve satisfactory results. Cheerio!

Mat Black said...

Confound this computing machine! I meant "regimen".

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