They're free, but we do need a mail box to send it to. Just email an address to PhilAreGo@gmail.com. Yeah, I know. You've got trust issues, and you're not too sure about giving us your (or anyone's) address. Take those trust issues and hand them to our Pointy tree Day Card F.A.Q.! Then tell those issues to stick it where the sun don't shine!
Phil Are GO! Pointy tree Day Card F.A.Q. (Fervently Aggravated Query).
Q: "How the hell can I get my copy of the Phil Are GO! Pointy Tree Day Card?
A: It couldn't be easier! Just send us your addre- Q: "TELL ME HOW!!! NOW NOW NOW!"
A: Hey, shut up and let me finish, spaz. Send us your address. That's it. PhilAreGo@gmail.com
Q: No way am I sending you my address! You'll stalk me!
A: If you think we have the time to sit in an unmarked van across the street from your house, you are probably grossly overestimating the interestingness of your life, and also the amount of free time we have here at GO! Tower. If you're that paranoid, give us your work address, or the address of someone you know. We don't care.
Q: Do you have any of the older versions of the Phil Are GO! Pointy Tree Day card lying around? Can I get a couple of those?
A: Yeah, we have some of those. We'll send an envelope with a few different cards in it while supplies last or until we don't feel like it any more. Gotta ask nicely, though!
Q: If I collect all the versions of the Phil Are GO! Pointy Tree Day Card from way long ago, will they be valuable some day?
A: Sure. Why not? Go nuts. All you have to do is live forever to prove it.
Q: Will the Phil Are GO! Pointy Tree Day Card always be a cigarette ad? No really, what's your problem?
A. Nope. We seem to have used those up. If we find another couple or few, we'll be sure to put them in the "maybe" pile for next year. Also, shut up.
Q: Why do I want one of your stupid holiday cards?
A: Good question. I dunno. Because they're free and possibly funny?
Q: Why no jokey post today? Just this card announcement?
A: We're busy making sure tomorrow's post is a real horn-honker. (Note to self: Remind interns to make tomorrow's post a real horn-honker. Better call in to the office from the frisbee golf course to check on their progress. Have the Motivation and Shame Supervisor crack the whip a little on the interns.)
Q: Is the card going to be funny?
A: Hopefully. Especially if you make a little puppet out of it and make it tell jokes.*
Q: Can I get more than one card?
A: Maybe? Can't hurt to ask. It can hurt to ask for a stack of 100.
Q: Can I send Phil Are GO! a card?
A: Why? We'll have loads of them, since we'll be getting them printed up.
Q: Will this year's card contain any "post-consumer content"?
A: Eew. No. Sicko.
A: Oh! You mean recycled paper? Hell no. That cheap grey paper we used to practice handwriting on in third grade was made from recycled paper, and it was terrible for writing on and erasing on. Recycled paper makes terrible paper. No wonder people just keep recycling it.