Gronk You Answer - Opportunities of business!

Gronk open mail bag now! get ready mail bag! Mail bag can't say Gronk didn't warn mail bag!

Ms. Lucy say...

Have a wonderful day to you, my dear friend! This is Ms.Lucy from Falcon Industry, which is professional on exporting hardware for 16 years.We are very glad to suggest our Handle to you, please kindly check following, they are very workable for your market. Here we would like to supply our newest price and picture for your reference. Please do not hestitae to contact with us, if you are interested in them.

Attached is our wechat public, there are our main products information, welcome to add us and contatc with us in there.Our products price varies according to different requests and current material price. Any question or requires, welcome to contact with us at any time when you are free.Looking forward to your reply and hope we can have the opportunity to cooperate soon. Thank you!

Sincerely Yours!Ms. LucyFeb. 28, 2017
Falcon Industry (Shanghai) Co., LtdMOB./Wechat/Whatsapp:0086-18516525888Tel: +86-21-37566893-8016Skype: 18516525888Email: falcon2006@falconvip.comWechat Public number: FalconIndustryMarketing centre: No. 99 Fengpu Avenue, Fengxian Distric, Shanghai, China.

Gronk thank Ms. Lucy for letter. Gronk impressed Ms. Lucy find time to write letter to Gronk, despite finger stuck in faucet, and too many chocolate to eat coming down conveyor belt. Lucy always busy lady! Have wonderful day to you also, dear complete stranger!

Gronk glad Ms. Lucy also find time to do research to make sure Gronk's market is workable for handle. Gronk never aware of urgent handle need! So many drawer and cabinet with contents mysterious and unknown for centuries! Hurry, handle!

WHAT??? Oh no! Chicken trapped in maze!!! Don't worry chicken! Gronk solve maze and rescue chicken! Time to get out Gronk's lucky puzzle pen and swing into action!

Oh, man! Maze harder than Gronk think! Cannot solve! Now Gronk never know if anthropomorphic chicken taste like anthropomorphic lizard or not.

Gronk think this "teachable moment". All handles in world cannot open maze for imprisoned chicken... not even when handle have power of zinc. Kind of make you think, huh? Yeah, you thinking now.

Mr. MAFE say...

Dear Sir or Madam,
This is a company from China who is looking for a supplier. We browsed the information about your company. We need your products [ The lawn machine  ], please give us your FOB price ﹙USD or EUR﹚for our purchase.
Waiting for your reply.
Cordial greetings!
Mr:MA  FE zgxags03@126.com

Dear jerk or idiot, Gronk thank you for letter!

Hmm. Gronk only have one lawn machine: sprinkler. And Gronk not sure Gronk comfortable with just handing over blueprint to overseas person. If Gronk sell sprinkler to Mr. MAFE, then Gronk can kiss good-bye all best summer days like this one:

"Summer tiiiiime, and living is easy." Gronk think of no better fun than sprinkler on lawn.

Then Gronk play great joke on post-man! Sigh. Good times. GRAH hah hah hah hah hah!

So, no way will Gronk send sprinkler to Mr. MAFE. Get own sprinkler, MAFE!

Ravi Kapoor say...

Hello and good day!
I'm an Online Web Marketing Service Provider. My name is Ravi. New Delhi, Based IT Company.
We are putting forth an awesome offer to get a New Business Website or Re-Design your site.
Kindly let me know whether you are Interested so we can give you more detail. We will be happy to be of administration to you.
Truly with warm respects,,

Gronk thank Ravi for letter. Wow, thanks for kind-of-by-accident saying Gronk web-site suck right now. Gronk have business offer for Ravi!

Hello and good day! Gronk is Online Manners Service Provider. Gronk name is Gronk. Gronk not telling you where Gronk live, because Gronk not stupid.
Gronk putting firth awesome offer to teach hoo-mans in New Delhi how to not to insult potential customer or re-design head.
Kindly let Gronk know whether hoo-mans are interested so Gronk can give more detail. Gronk will be happy to be of administration to Ravi Kapoor dillhole.
Truly with warm respects, and your wife probably cheating on you right now,

Sinana say...

Dear Sir/Madam,
Wish you have a wonderful day, my friend.^_^
We already come back to office from the Chinese New Year holiday. How are you? How about your family? Hope everything are very good with you and your family.
Now at the beginning of New Year 2017, we would like to introduce our hot sale new item of metal box, it is very popular in the current market, i think maybe you also interested in it, please kindly check below details and picture. 
Width: 86mm/118mm/150mmLength: 270mm/300mm/350mm/400mm/450mm/500mmThickness: 1.0mm after painting, 1.1mm after painting, 1.2mm after painting
We would like to support you not only the samples but also the specification details after getting your requirments, so please feel free to contact us if you need! 
Waiting for your active feedback, thank you!^_^Sincerely Yours!SinanaFeb.16, 2017

·Mob: 13918197839 / 17321362266                ·Wechat: Sinana2000    ·Tel.: 0086-21-37566893-8008                         ·QQ: 1390013912 / 3207539790            
·Fax: 0086-21-37566893-8007                         ·Skype: SINANA848 / SINANA_J.BEST         
·E-mail: j.best2001@jbest.cn                            ·MSNcocollover@hotmail.com   
·Add: No.99 Fengpu Avenue, Fengxian District, Shanghai, China.
Notice: The email under domain name address is j.best official one, if you will pay for us when confirming the order, please note our email domain name address, if not please pay attention to it and contact us for confirmation before payment, our service mobile: 0086-13918197839.

Gronk thank Sinana for letter.
Gronk say Sinana have whatever the heck kind of day Sinana want to have. Gronk not the boss of you. 

Wow! Gronk already know about hot new sale item, "metal box". Gronk totally know, girlfriend. Simply everyone have one now. Metal box is must-have item for spring! Look...

So, Gronk currently scoping out Metal Box selection, but not quite sure yet which metal box is right for Gronk. Who can choose, when every day, new models bursting onto marketplace? Gronk waiting to see what designs make big splash at Metal Box Conference in April! This year show going to be huge! When Gronk ready to make a move, Sinana will be first to know! Thank you!


Viceroy cigarettes - The magic arrow.

This 1969 Viceroy ad has an art mistake. See it?

Leaving aside the lameness and mediocrity of the ad (What does it even mean when a cigarette never misses and never quits???), the artist forgot something. It looks like someone on the project missed, or maybe quit early.

Still nope? The problem has to do with the arrow and the apple.

Okay, we're also going to ignore the fact that gold is a useless material for an arrow, being really heavy, soft, and expensive. No, the mistake is nothing tricky like that. It's a dumb mistake, even for the dopey, imaginary world of Advertisingland.

Assuming Viceroy intends that the arrow was shot through the apple - Hence "Never misses" - the hole in the apple is smaller than the head of the arrow. Nobody stopped to think about how the arrow got where it is.

Not to put too fine a point on it (huh huh), here's the arrow head, moved next to the hole it allegedly made.

Let's fix the hole. First, we make a slit-shaped selection at least as tall as the width of the arrow head.

Then, we move the selection over to the silly tiny hole in the apple, and use it to paint in some darkness borrowed from the shadows on the right side of the apple, and some gold, borrowed from the fletching (feathers) on the arrow, to suggest the yellow color of the apple's interior.

Okay, devil's advocate time, now. Just like always, it's also possible that the artist did it right in the first place, and the art director or client made him/her change it to look like the inaccurate and dopey version in the original ad. Maybe they like the idea of a golden arrow that screws together in the middle, so that both halves could be shoved through a pencil-sized hole and screwed together in the center of the apple?  Maybe the arrow is supposed to be a magic one, just like the magic long life and never-quittingness of Viceroys? In other words, it would be wrong to assume that the person doing the illustration has the final say, or that those who pull the artist's strings have a good eye and good judgment. After all, someone wrote the lame copy for this ad, right?


1939 De Luxe Plymouth Four-Door Touring Sedan


Travelodge - Sleepy, not Drinky.

Another item from the shipment from Alert Reader Mandy today. It's a postcard bought at TraveLodge, probably around the 1960 or so.

One might get the idea that, should you choose to spend a night at a TraveLodge, you could expect to have a seventy-foot bear shuffling around the parking lot, peering in your window, looking for a place to crash. But no, Sleepy bear was just the mascot of TraveLodge (which apparently still exists today). Judging by their graphic on the website, which also serves as a loose chronology of the character's design, this version of Drinky Stoney Sleepy The Bear dates from the early Sixties, or thereabouts. The design of the motel itself seems to agree with that estimate.

As it always seems to go with mascot "refreshes", every iteration of the character got weirder and uglier. Well done, Lowest Bidding Graphics Consulting Design Firm.

The Sleepy The Bear on the back of the postcard looks, as noted by Mandy, more zombie than sleepy. A free continental breakfast is available in the cafe from 6-10 am. A fine selection of breakfast items will be served, but the brains go fast, so come early!

Hmm. That bear looks familiar. Hang on a sec. Let me browbeat an intern into checking on it..... a HA!


I knew it! We posted a photo of Semi-Concussed The Bear way back in 2010! Let's roll back the hands of time to artificially lengthen this post with minimal effort, shall we?

Our second feature is this delightful drunk teddy bear, ready to stagger into your heart and vomit down your aorta, mistaking it for a toilet. "Drinky Bear" was the mascot of a small chain of midwestern addiction centers in the sixties, and this example of Drinky is in fine condition, from his mismatched footpads to his baffling camel toe. Drinky's not dead yet! The "halo" is merely part of the art on the game box holding him up. If you bring home Drinky, you can pretend the price tag on his wrist is a medic alert bracelet, alerting would-be resuscitators of his allergy to Vivitrol. The only medicine he needs is your love! And bourbon!

According to Wikpedia, if your family chose to spring for the Sleepy bear Den, each child would get a free stuffed version of Novocaine Bear. That's one financially unsustainable premium! While the Sleepy bear Den feature of Travel Lodge (the budgetary savings from discontinuing the "free bear" campaign now being spent on a space in the logo between "Travel" and "Lodge") seems to be a thing of the past, the Sleepy Bear Dens seem to still be available at some franchises.

Know how you can still get yourself a Barbituate Bear? Right here, baby. He's a PNG with alpha channel, so you can put him on your own lampshades and bedspreads. Don't nod off yet, Hesher The Bear, you've got lots of work to do. Don't worry about using him, readers. He works for peanuts... or Methadone. You're welcome!


Billy in the park.


FORGE/Ltd. line - Exquisitely bored.

Okay, people! Time is money! Let's get this happening happening, you dig?

Don, have the kids got their Davy Jones getups on? Hey, where's Stan's vest? Has anyone got Stan's vest? Huh? He burned a hole in it with his weed? Terrific. He's only been here fifteen minutes. Don, make a note that the cost of the vest will come out of his pay, and take away his pot. Just put it in my car. Julie, run over to the rep from Forge and ask if they've got another vest. And do it like now.

Okay, you three all over here. Snap snap. Pay attention, kids. You all look fab. Truly fab. Well, except for you, Trisha. You're just here as a decoration for Stan's arm. Yeah, black sweater, I know. Hey, your day rate is your day rate. I don't wanna hear it, sweetie. Just try to look bored. I dunno. Really bored. Like, quaalude bored. Figure it out. Here's your stool. Your sitting and bored and you're wearing a black sweater. That's your motivation. Don't talk to me about motivation, sweetie.

Bill, you're in back. Lean on the wall. Well, actually, it's just a plywood flat clamped to a C-stand, so try to just look like you're leaning on it. Okay, that's good, sweetheart. Now, elbow up on Stan's shoulder. Good, good. Yeah, it's called acting, honey. Act like you're comfortable and really bored, like you're waiting for a bus but when it comes you don't care if you fall asleep and you miss it.

Stan, you're sitting on Julie's knee. No, she's fine. Jeez, okay. Well, then just kind of crouch as if you're sitting on her knee. Fist on your hip. That's great, Stan. Try to look down at her like you just noticed she's there and you're not sure where she came from. But bored. Don't forget you're bored! Groovy and bored. Gooooood, good.

Okay, Julie. Just a little more bored. Like, ummm... like you can't believe you took this gig and you're mad at your agent. Now, hold onto Stan's arm as if he might fall over if you don't. Because he probably will, that's why, sweetie.

Okay, you're all disinterested! You're fab and you don't care! Maybe even a little angry. Just a little! Good, good! We're getting good shots here, kids! Looking bored. Reeeally bored! I like. I like. Julie, stare off a little bit, but try not to look like you're thinking about anything. Perfect. Stan, stare at her hair. Yep, you heard me. Like you're not sure where that smell is coming from. Yep, Good.

Okay, that's a wrap, everyone! You're terrific! Don, we won't work with Stan again. You put the weed in the front seat, right? Great. It's a long ride back to the office.


The Sioux Spaceman - Bah bah bah ooo mow mow.


AOTS - Rhesus Monkey Mirror Study.



King's Tropical Inn

Alert reader Mandy sent us a padded envelope trove of stuff last week. She must have broke the bank, because I happen to know that post cards with blank backs are more expensive than ones that are filled in. Apparently, someone back in History was only a post card buyer, but not a sender. And he or she probably ate at King's Tropical Inn. Based on this, we can guess that they also ordered the "Jumbo Squab Dinner", took it home and stuck it in an attic for seventy years or so.

Some things never change. On the front of the card, we meet John G. King, our host, and presumed owner of the restaurant, but the name of the place is spelled "Kings", as if it's just named after a few monarchs. Okay, fine. Moving on....

On the back, it's spelled with a possessive apostrophe, like Johnny King owns the place. So, what have we learned? Ignorance of your mother tongue is not a new invention. But hey! Walter Winchell! Who was he, anyway?

Walter Winchell (April 7, 1897 – February 20, 1972) was an American newspaper and radio gossip commentator, famous for attempting to destroy the careers of people both private and public whom he disliked.

Wow, he sounds like a great guy. Winchell looked like Steve Martin before everyone was doing it. So, was he a prescient Steve Martin impersonator, or was Steve Martin a Walter Winchell impersonator? Never made it without biting. Ask Mister Owl.

This post card is the fold-in-half kind with four pictures on it, so the story doesn't end once you flip it over.

The exterior of King's looked like some kind of casbah, but camel parking was surprisingly prohibited. So was painting lane stripes on the street. Crazy times.

Fake starry sky ceiling. Every table a booth. (Presumably) fake palm trees all over the place. I would totally eat here all the time. If there was a nightly floor show, I would frikkin live there.
So what's at the corner of Washington and Adams in L.A. now? Get ready to be typically disappointed, people!

Strip malls and a few vacant store fronts. I looove L.A. Someplace calls itself "We Are Famous". Maybe they're being edgefully ironic, but if you're actually famous, you don't need to tell everyone you're famous. It seems that this building has, over the intervening decades, found owners with ever more profound levels of confusion regarding the meaning of words.


1965 Cadillac Supercoupe


Henry the Eighth Woos Anne Boleyn with a Sweet Drum Solo


Icky Tales