Modess - Why?

I need to keep an eye out for more old copies of McCall's magazine. That's where yesterday's soap ad came from, and on the very opposite page of the same magazine we find this fantastic ad for Modess. What does Modess make? I can't tell. Maybe they make sedatives? Or slightly oversized marble busts of King Louis the Sometheenth? I dunno. This ad is going for the soft sell, which in this case means spacey and weird.

"Modess... because." Ooooo, I get it. See, wealth and opulence make children out of reasonable, intelligent people. Notice that, when a person achieves a level of richness, their justification for their disgusting self-indulgence reverts to that of a third grader. "Why?" "Because." "Because why?" "Because. That's why." You just say it more slowly, and with an effete air of detachment, when you've just spent twice a normal adult's monthly salary on (I think) a dress. Just for that annoying rich asshole flair, you could also do that little gesture with your hand that people always use when they say "...a certain je nais sais fluh."

Wait! Wait! Hold the phone! I just did a thing where you ask Google what the hell something is, and you're not going to believe this. Modess was a brand of SANITARY NAPKIN! BAH hah hah hah! That dress could hide a lot of napkins.

Well done, Modess. That's an ad campaign so great that one would never guess what they're selling without being told! Money well spent.

Well, that kind of shuts down the rest of this post. I was having fun going on a tear about annoying rich people, but now I just look a little silly. I'll leave a note to have the editorial staff delete paragraph number two. They need the exercise. They spend most of their time turning my "teh"'s into "the"'s. A nice juicy deletion will do them good. Maybe if I just fill up the post with some jokes I can take an early lunch? Okay, need some jokes. The picture looks like a magazine cover. Let's go with that.

Joke #1 - Alternative Lifestyle Monthly. In this issue - Marble Marriage: Overcoming anti-statuism.

Joke #2 - Rich Asshole Magazine. This month: Are you assholey enough? Take our quiz and find out! Also, ten more insults in Spanish to use on the help. The solution to last month's crossword: all the answers are "money".

Joke #3 - Bored Heiress and Debutante Illustrated. This issue: the statue, the chair, or the flowers? Which to lazily caress first? The answer may surprise you! Also this month: Three new prissy lawn games: Raquet Prance, Hedge Maze Meander, and Knicker Knocks. Croquet is SO last century!

Joke #4 - Elite Elocution Quarterly. This issue: "Grand" or "mahvelous". Which sounds snootier?

Joke #5 - Illnesses of the Rich and Delicate. This month: "the vapors", the daintiest summertime fever! Also: Hot or not? Hair failure, consumption, lumbago, dropsy, many more to try!