Joke #2 - The most popular advertisement in the record-breaking May 1952 issue of "Modern Burp Sniffer magazine.
Joke #3 - "Coming, motherrrr! Just give me a minute to install my face, concealing my monstrous reptilian identity!"
Joke #4 - The most nerve-wracking moment of any girl's grammar school career: inserting her face in the machine that will measure, analyze, and tell her, once and for all, if she is indeed "butt-ugly".
Joke #5 - Becky wasn't sure she could make it through the first semester. She had wanted to go to public school with all her friends from eighth grade, but mom and dad had sent her to Saint Priscilla's School for the Undainty. Scripture readings at every meal. Poise classes instead of gym. And 'Young Earth Theory" instead of science class. Some days she felt like her only friend was her General Electric "Scream Sealer".
Joke #6 - Here at Maybelline advanced research laboratories, a pretty young staffer tests a prototype device that correctly aligns the facial bones, "cutens" the soft tissue structure, and "un-gapes" the pores before sealing the face with weather resistant eurethane varnish and an experimental "youth clamp". Marketing has temporarily named the device "True Me".
Joke #7 - Nintendo's Virtual Boy gets an update for 2011, renamed the "Fun Funnel". Instead of a conventional game pad or mere motion controller, the game console features revolutionary "tongue input control" for total gaming immersion. The unit will ship with three games "Super Prom Kiss", "Mario Strep Test" and "Zelda Twelve: Myth of the Mouth Taster". No refunds or exchanges.
Joke #8 - Shaped to fit the face, a new "steam bath" manufactured in Germany opens the skin pores for a beauty treatment or provides medicinal vapor for inhalation. The device was retooled after the previous year's failure of the "steam bath for crotch" machine.
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