New Melton Pocket Movie Viewer allows enjoyment of prurient movies anywhere. Bystanders need never know you're doing something illicit, unless betrayed by sneaky grin on face. Audio not supported. Manufacturer suggests falsetto voice muttering sweet nothings to yourself, as inspiration.
Inflatable cornice resembles thick tufted material. Only requires re-inflation every 72 hours. Doubles as flotation device in case of total house submersion. Can be filled with helium to ease load on unstable foundations.
German floating motor propels swimmer, or "shvimmer". Motor unit floats on surface of water or "vasser". Air for motor is drawn through a T-shaped snorkel, or "shnitzel". Eliminates need for inflatable cornice flotation devices, advertised above. Can aid in rescue of swimmers drowning in shallow water, within twelve feet of device. Footage of girl also available as 8mm film for use in Melton Prurient Pocket Movie Viewer, advertised above
Survival Ration Lasts Six Days. Can store food and drink for six days, eliminating the need for emptying coffee cans and painting with special enamel. Ideal for those who enjoy putting small cans inside larger cans, and then removing them. Moustache included.
Like our German scientists say, "Nothink aids schvimming like a giant 220 volt electric motor thrown in the pool."
ReplyDeleteAlso available: pirahna swim trunks, made with live pirahna.
Hah! Well joked, sir. I couldn't figure how the thing could be fun or useful, on that 12 foot tether.
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, as always!
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I like how that butler, duded up to the nines, would be stranded and have to eat up to 6 meals out of that large can. I'm sure he carries it with him wherever he goes, with fully cooked food of course.
ReplyDeleteAnd the movie viewer grin is priceless. How could these ads be created without full knowledge of how comical they were.
That inflatable cornice is screaming for a house with boys and bee bee guns!!
ReplyDeleteI know! The movie guy's toothy grin cannot be an accident. He absolutely looks like he's getting away with something. If you go to archive.org...
ReplyDeletehttp://www.archive.org/browse.php?field=subject&mediatype=movies&collection=prelinger
...you can watch or download "stag reels" from the 1940's. These were films guys would watch at bachelor parties, etc. They seem pretty tame by today's standards, but at the time it was trouser-tightening stuff.
It's hilarious how much of a thrill the guy's getting from looking at a lady in a bathing suit.
Thanks for commenting, Dave!