Arrow Underwear - Riding high.

I suppose it's unfair to pick on the past for being a bunch of squares. Squareness is practically synonymous with anachronism. That being said, it's time to pick on the past for being a bunch of squares. Snort! Nice underpants, 1954! Stupid past, you stupid square!

This ad is obviously designed to grab attention because of the kooky picture of the man skiing in his underwear. Pretty racy stuff for the Leave it to Beaver era. (Actually, it looks like the guy is standing flat on the floor with the camera tilted to look like he's going down hill, but who cares?) The expression on his face tells us the picture is supposed to be funny. Sure, fine.

I knew the fifties were pretty square, but wow. When I first looked at these elaborate and "thorough" designs, I was reminded of the "special underwear" the Mormons have to wear.

What's that? you don't know about the Mormons' special underwear? Well, in order for the Mormons to remind themselves that Joseph Smith found inscribed golden plates that nobody else was ever allowed to see (because he hid them in a hat), and that only he could translate into a Bible that said he could have as many wives as he wanted, they have to wear special underwear that looks like this:

Yep. Mormons really know how to party.

The Mormon male underwear is the only undergarment in history to combine the conservatism of the long john with the decadence of the "banana hammock". Yet, the design still manages to convey a definite message of "You can't touch this."

So, now that I actually look at the Magic Mormon Underwear, the shorts in the Arrow ad look positively naughty. See? If you want to make 1954 look positively swingin', you just have to find the right comparison. It's all in how you sell it. To fight for the title of Knerdiest Knickers, Arrow could just change up the product descriptions, like so:

You're welcome, 1954.