9/4/15

Joust sculpture - Art with a sabre saw.

I made a art! I made it in my car hole. See how it happened and ask yourself "Why did he make art in his car hole?".



It's for an exhibition with the theme "Retro Arcade". I fed my share of quarters to the machines in Aladdin's Castle when I was a kid. My brother and I liked to play Joust. Like all games of that era, it was designed to be fun and brutal. They wanted all your quarters as soon as possible. So, I won't say I was any good, but my bro and I had a blast stabbing birds with our lances.

Here's some gameplay footage, in case you aren't familiar with the game, or had sex in high school...




It took a good second and a half to decide what to do for the exhibition. Just take the blue and white player ostrich, and separate his colors into layers. Then, cut the layers out of plywood and stack them up. It would just be a big wooden joust bird. Simple, right?

Simple-ish, but loads of cutting and sanding and priming and re-sanding and painting and assembly and touch ups. Anyway, it got done, and it's 28x28 inches. After the exhibition comes down, I need to figure a place to hang it. I may also need to reinforce my house so the art doesn't collapse the place. It weighs like thirty pounds.

To the left, you can see Step One. Figure out the layer order. Each layer had to cover the same or greater number of "pixels" as the one below it, so there'd be no weird voids in the sides.

After that, it was a matter of getting access to a large-format printer to have an outline of each layer printed out, to use as patterns.



The whole way through, the biggest challenge was keeping track of which chunk of wood goes to which layer, to make sure everything got painted the proper color.




Initially, I thought I'd cut out the patterns, and trace around them, but the curliness and floppiness of the paper made it really hard to make sure the drawing on the wood came out in the right shape.


Then I wised up. The smart move was leaving the paper intact, and just tapping a nail through at each corner where lines met. Then, I just removed the paper and connected the lines between the little nail marks. Victory.


The whole way through, the biggest challenge was keeping track of which chunk of wood goes to which layer, to make sure everything got painted the proper color.

The wood rasp in the above picture is the one I used to accidentally cut a vee in the end of my thumb, fingernail and all. That was enough work for one day. No ghoulish bloody thumb notch pictures for you.





Even a cheapo Chinese set of forstner bits are a smart investment. You can drill holes with perfectly clean edges. No splintery mess around your hole. The holes are just large enough in diameter to allow the sabre saw blade to turn at the corners.



The remainder wood was left in interesting shapes, such that I still can't figure if I should throw it away or not.




The plywood looked so nice bare, it was tempting to leave it unpainted. But, color would be necessary.










Instead of building the layers from the bottom up, which would be more intuitive, they had to be assembled from the top down, to allow access to the back of each layer, so the screw heads would be concealed.











After this photo was taken, I still had to do some straightening of some blocks. This usually involved just grabbing them really tightly and twisting, hoping they still had some play. No glue was used, so technically, I could take the whole thing apart if I needed to. However, the paint was still kind of soft at the time of assembly, so it acted like an adhesive.

Art complete!

9/3/15

Ting Cream - "Must satisfy you in a week."

Are you tired of strangers saying "What's that necrotic smell coming from your feet? Are you wearing ham socks?" Me too! Get yourself some Ting!... in 1948.

There's some good clip art to be mined form this ad. Let's get the Phil Are GO! graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade in here to mine those clip arts, stat! PAGGBPB, Assemble!

Pen tool selection... COMPLETE!
Copy... COMPLETE!
New file... COMPLETE!
Paste... COMPLETE!
Desaturate... COMPLETE!
Contrast... COMPLETE!
Paint out inconvenient background... COMPLETE!
Save As... COMPLETE!





First, there's Foot Guy. He's really proud of his toe, and he has Tube Of Goo to thank! Thanks Toe Goo Tube! He's a JPEG, for near universal compatability with whatever janky graphics program you're stuck using on your computer. Even a Tandy knows what to do with a JPEG! We'll get some intern to verify that that last statement is true this afternoon.
 Next, it's Pointing hand. You can never have too many pointing hands to help people know where to look. If you don't have an authoritative hand to tell people what needs attention, they're liable to just look wherever they want. Then where would we be? Correct! We'd be at communists! This one is a PNG on alpha background, so you can point it at whatever you want without the annoying square background to annoy you.


Have some Science being done, won't you? Of course you will... but not if you're a lady, because this is 1948! Your job is to sit nearby and watch, and maybe empty the doctor's ash tray. Know what the doctor is looking at? Really tiny porn on microfiche. This one is a JPEG again.

Just for good measure, and to show 1948 what a dick it is, here are some important women scientists from history that you should know about.

From Smithsonian Magazine, Ten Historic Female Scientists You Should Know:
http://www.smithsonianmag.com/science-nature/ten-historic-female-scientists-you-should-know-84028788/?no-ist

Then there's this NPR radio story about the women pioneers of computer programming:
http://www.npr.org/sections/alltechconsidered/2014/10/06/345799830/the-forgotten-female-programmers-who-created-modern-tech


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9/2/15

Gronk You Answer - Big day three way?


threewaymandy@126.com say...

Dear Manager, Have a nice day. This is mandy from Threeway (Threeway Steel Co., Ltd), we are the top three steel pipe manufacturer in China since 1978, consist of 5 factories. Yearly production capacity of the factory is 2, 000, 000 MT and the work shop covers an area of 56,0000 square meters. If you have any plan to purchase pipelines and OCTG for Oil and Gas, or Water transmission, here is your right choice. We specialize in this field for more than 30 years with good quality as well as best price. 
   Main line of business (including Square hollow section & Circular tubes): 
Our advantages:(1)2000MT per month stock, yearly production capacity 2,000,000 MT.(2)Several production lines, full steel pipe ranges are at your choice.(3)Experienced projects in more than 80 countries, such as Spain, Australia, Singapore, Iran, Nigeria etc.(4)14 steps of quality inspection with professional QC & Test department which is fully supported by the docs requirements.(5) Mill test certification, third party inspection report, relative shipping docs, etc. can be provided.(6)Financial support, various of payment terms will be acceptable, such as L/C, T/T, DP.(7)Full bank supported company with a perfect line of credit “AAAAA”.(8)Perfect protection methods to avoid damage via transportation.
Thanks &Best regards!mandy
Sales Engineer | Industrial Pipe Division | Threeway Steel Co., Ltd |  Changsha City, China


Gronk thank Threewaymandy for inviting Gronk to lay pipe. Gronk glad you interested in tube. However, Gronk sure you very nice person, but Gronk just want be friends. Don't email more, please.

Me Gronk.


Kazuhiro Naya say...

Hi there!
This is Kaz Naya, CEO of the simplest video editing app VIBBIDI. I'm contacting you because I saw your beautiful pictures on Tumblr!
Our mission is to create a global platform to curate stunning videos. We are planning for an official release in late September, but starting this month we are extending an exclusive invitation to users who are already contributing stunning pictures to Tumblr!
We believe that the initial members of our community are key to set the expectations for the quality of our product. Because of this, we are especially particular about the quality of our initial community, and we carry out a strict screening of pictures uploaded onto Tumblr to send invitations to carefully selected users only. We would most definitely love to have you join in the creation of the platform with the most gorgeous videos of the world as one of our founding community members!
VIBBIDI is the optimal app for editing the videos you post on Instagram/Tumblr. You can easily and effectively edit your videos, as shown below. Influential creators from over 100 countries around the world are already using the app, and you are sure to be inspired by their spectacular videos!vibbidi.com/video
Please download the app from here to try it out! It is always free both now and after the official release in late September!
If anything is unclear, or if you have any feedback, feel free to let us hear from you anytime! We at VIBBIDI are looking forward to see your beautiful videos!
Happy editing,Kaz

Gronk thank Kaz for writing. Gronk have pictures on Tumblr, come to think of it. Gronk forgot about Tumblr pictures. One day, Gronk have big day in town. Came home and drew pictures of adventure and post to Tumblr. See?

This picture of Gronk ride bus into town. Bus guy say was okay for Gronk have Slurpee on bus.

Gronk go to "book store". Look at lots books. Man in green sweater vest not like Gronk in store. Stare at Gronk whole time, like Gronk maybe wreck whole place or something. Next time Gronk take business elsewhere.

Then, Gronk testify before Senate Appropriations Committee. Everybody say Gronk have sensible idea about state-level funding for long-overdue infrastructure enhancement. Then Gronk get balloon.

Gronk glad Kazuhiro remind about big fun day. Gronk not feel like being involved in beta test of buggy software. Not interested in testing app for you. Hey! Maybe Kazuhiro want come Gronk house and straighten up book shelves for Gronk? No? Gronk not think so.

Me Gronk.

9/1/15

Read Heart dog food. Fort-two to get Reddy.

Does any food manufacturer do send-away premiums any more? I never read the backs of packages when I buy food, so I don't know. This big stuffed dog from Red heart dog food would have been a pretty sweet one, way back in 1957. However, "Reddy" was far from free. First you had to send in six labels from their product (natch), and also mail in $4.95 in 1957 bucks. Let's see... accounting for inflation that comes out to. Jesus Christ! Forty-two bucks!

For forty-two dollars, you could probably frikkin' buy a frikkin' actual dog for frikkin' out loud... which you probably already had, if you were going through six cans of actual dog food to get this fake one. Weird. But, if you think about it, every kid has stuffed animals, and many families have dogs, so, that's not that scandalous. I probably shouldn't have said all those frikkin' swears.

When an Alert Intern plopped this 1957 ad on my desk, the first thing that occurred ot me was how frikkin' much Reddy looks like Cuddly Dudley, the puppety co-star of the Ray Rayner show. "Who the frikkin's Cuddley Dudley, you frikkin' jerk?" you ask? Thanks for calling me a jerk, and here's who he frikkin' was.

Chelveston, Ray, Random Dog, and Fake Dudley.
In The Sixties and Seventies, there was a brilliant kids' show on WGN, the best local TV station in Chicago. the show was Ray Rayner and his Friends. It was a perfectly low-budget show with a reassuringly consistent variety format that's a big hit with kids. (Kids like reliability.) Ray was the host, of course, and his show featured regular in-studio characters like Chelveston the Duck (actually a goose).

Real Cuddley Dudley and Ray.


Once per show, Ray would walk over to camera two and read the fan mail with Cuddley Dudley, a life-sized cocker spaniel puppet. The patter was nearly always improvised, sometimes had a subtext of dirty humor, and usually went over the heads of the audience. Ray's show was also a good source of cartoons, like Mr. Magoo and Looney Tunes, which were sprinkled throughout each episode. Great stuff.

Incidentally, you can see the puppets and other artifcats from the Ray Rayner show at the Museum of Broadcast Communications, down on State Street. I really gotta get down there and see it.


You could also get a Cuddley Dudley doll as a special promotional item for subscribing to the Chicago Tribune. Dudley looked exactly like Reddy, as I will now demonstrate with a side by side compariso...

Oh.

Not very similar after all.

Hell. Now I have no post for today. Double you tee eff am I gonna do now? Just run it anyway and post a few Ray Raynor videos? Sounds like a plan. See you tomorrow, kids!



Click it to big it.


8/31/15

Stacomb - The very picture of manhood.

Listen up, hair-havers! If you want to be as handsome and respectable as a College Man, the hair goo of choice is Stacomb. Observe this 1927 ad for proof...


The secret to that shiny varnished hair helmet is Stacomb. It helps your hair "stay combed". That's why the name is so clever, in case you couldn't tell what they did there.

So, with a heapin' helpin' of Stacomb on your head, you can be the very model of admirable manhood - exactly like every college man, all of whom are men, and conduct themselves as men, which is a type of grownup, by the way, which means they always conduct themselves as model citizens and almost never ever act like felons or sociopaths. Here's a picture of a grownup college man, by the way, to help you understand how reassured you should feel if you wake in the middle of the night to find him standing at the foot of your bed, watching you sleep, in a perfectly admirable and manly way. Nighty-night!






8/27/15

Auto Maintenance Tips - Wheels and battery.




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