Dog and mower.

Joke #1 - "Thanks, buddy! Remind me to return your hedge trimmer, too."

Joke #2 - "Next time, put it back when you're done! Bad boy!"

Joke #3 - "Well, don't shit up my lawn and I won't mow your bathroom, asshole!"

Joke #4 - "Really, Rex? Dandelions in your media room? Is that how I raised you?"

Joke #5 - "Well, you've still got that centipede problem. They're just shorter now."

Joke #6 comes to us from John Griz. Thanks, John! - This is what happens when Black and Decker remakes the ending of Old Yeller.

Never one to pass up an opportunity to waggle his eyebrows, Mr. Fancy InnuendoPants_2 has sent us a very randy Joke #7 Thanks, MFIP! - Even Rex the Dumb Mutt knew Jim the 'Fix-It-Guy' was an idiot. That's not what Mrs. Green meant when she said to come inside & "mow her lawn".

Newcomer grant Blackler got out of the gate strong with joke #7. Thanks, Grant! - Tri-Mower - why have four wheels when three will almost do!
[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.    -Mgmt.]


Outies Magazine, March 1976


Implausible Villain


Hot Signal


New Brain Preservation Technique Could Be a Path to Mind Uploading.

Sorry, guys. Too late. We no longer have any use for your research...

Physicist Stephen Hawking Has Died at the Age of 76.

When You Take the Wheel - Lane infringement.


Family vacation.


Steam Shovel's morning.


Record Club, 1974


Microman - Prog rock icon.

So, when I was a kid, like a thousand years ago, Star Wars was, as they say, The Shit. Yes, of course I had those. Hugely upstaged by the Star Wars toys were a weird line of toys imported from Japan, called (in the U.S.) "Micronauts". They could not have been more different from the Star Wars toys. Star Wars was gritty and, uuh, "realistic".  Since nobody does crazy like Japan does it, Micronauts were surreal and very disco.

Image found at...
Everybody had chrome heads and bodies made of translucent colored plastic, but some had diecast metal parts. The design was all over the map. Also, while Star Wars figures only had four joints (shoulders and knees), Micronauts were articulated like G.I. Joe, with a central elastic band holding all their limbs on. Knees, elbows, wrists, ankles, and head all moved, and lots of the articulation points were ball joints. They were downright floppy. You could also take them apart and combine them in different ways.

The bad guys were always comparatively huge, and looked like they were built from other robots.

So, Micronauts were the trippy alternative to Star Wars. A few weeks ago, I trolled FaceTube to see if I imagined them, or if they actually existed. Turns out I wasn't crazy! Here's a commercial from the American market that launched the line.

But in their native Japan, Micronauts were called "Microman". And guess what? Their commercials were way, way better...

In the above clip, shortly after the guy shouts "STRONG BREAK!!! ROBOTO-MAN!!!!", the music starts. My eyes got all big. What the hell is this? It sounds like a Mini-Moog and a drummer who uses cocaine as non-dairy creamer. Fuck yeah. This is prog rock and no mistake. It's also the perfect weirdo music for a freaky line of space toys like Microman. At the end of each commercial in this clip, it ends with the logo and and a gravely-voice guy singing "Mee-koh-ru-MANNN!" Bad. Ass.

So what's the logo at the end of the commercial? I can't read Japanese, but it probably says Microman.

Image found at...
Well, we do know that the Japanese use a special alphabet to allow them to phonetically spell out anything that otherwise won't work in their natively pictographic written language. Here's the Katakana chart they use to pronounce stuff like, for example, English phrases like "Microman", or "mee-kokh-ru-man".

Each syllable in Katakana consists of a consonant sound followed by a vowel sound (ko, ru, me, etc.) To pronounce a consonant without a vowel after it is generally not how their language works. There is, however, a syllable for the lone letter "N", fortunately. Realizing this, it explains why, when a Japanese person tries to pronounce "ice cream", it comes out as "ai-su-ku-re-mu". Any time an English word ends with a naked consonant, force of habit makes a Japanese speaker tack on a vowel. Listening to the different takes of the "Mi-koh-ru-man" singer, you can hear him trying to sing "man" pronouncing it a little different sometimes.

So, let's verify the that the Microman logo actually says "Microman", using the available Katakana syllables. The page I got the logo from (http://www.microforever.com/25threscuem25x.htm) names the graphic as "microman rescuelogo".
So, "Microman Rescue Team". It looks like, for the last word at the bottom "team", they switched back to standard Japanese Hiragana. Google translate was able to shed a little light on how that may work, but maybe there's someone out there who actually understands Japanese that can straighten it all out in the comments?

Anyway... the music. Early 70's prog rock. Love it. The first thing I thought of when I heard the music in that commercial was Emerson, Lake and Palmer. Compare the Microman music to Eruption, side 1, track 1 from ELP's 1971 album, Tarkus. I'm not calling it a ripoff, but rather, they're cool and fun in the same way. You can't go wrong with some analog synth.

And look at the Tarkus album cover. That's practically an action figure right there. Part armadillo, part tank. When I was a kid, I would have played with a toy like that for sure.

A friend of mine said the Microman music sounds like Gentle Giant, another prog band form the early 70s. Their song, Alucard, sounds kind of Micromaney...

As one commenter on the FaceTube Microman video says...

You're damn right he does.

So, after all this, maybe you've decided you're enough of a weirdo to want a Microman shirt? I sure am. So, we've made two. You can pick the shirt type and color, as always. And, don't forget to adjust the size and placement of the graphic if you want.

This one is the much-analyzed Microman rescue Team shirt. Nobody will know what the hell your shirt is. Cool.


This one is just a neat picture from the package of Death Mark, presumably an evil Microman enemy (or an Acroyear, in Microman parlance) whose part robot, part airplane, all weird. We vectorized him in Adobe Illustrator from these box images (see below), and yeah, that took frikkin' forever. Sheesh.


Image found at...


The Leyden Hootenanny



Awkward Male, March 1969


The doll dinner.

Joke #1 - "You're right, Patchwork Cathy, your flesh-sister is being a real grump tonight. Let's put her to bed without dessert and then stay up late, talking about her."

Joke #2 - Patchwork Cathy was definitely hiding something, and Floppy Betsy looked very uncomfortable. Suzie was sure that someone at the table was the murderer. Now she just had to prove it.

Joke #3 - "Yes, Suzie, breakfast is special today. Patchwork Cathy helped me make Perfectly Safe Porridge. It's yummy! Why don't you try a biiiig bite without smelling it first?"

Joke #4 - Suzie had been fighting all day with Patchwork Cathy and Floppy Betsy, and Mommy seemed very upset with her. There was going to be trouble when her father, Raggedy Andy, came home.

Joke #5 - Tension hung in the air. Nobody spoke for long minutes. "I said 'how was school today?'." repeated mother. Suzie had promised she wouldn't tell, but it just came out. "Patchwork Cathy has gonorrhea!"

Joke #6 - "Well, Suzie, I know you did something bad. Why don't you tell me what you did and since Patchwork Cathy has already told me, I'll know if you're a filthy little liar or not."

Joke #7 - "Confusticate and bebother these dwarves!" Suzie said aloud. She would make them a supper, but if they expected her to go on some uncomfortable adventure with them, they were off their nut.

Joke #8 comes to us from Mr. FancyBlowUpPants_2. Thanks, MFBUP2! Joke #8 - "Why can Patchwork Cathy smoke at the table, and I can't??" Suzy angrily questioned her mother during the ice cream social. Mother was silent. "You know daddy only lets you smoke in bed!" chimed Patchwork Cathy. "Shut your whore mouth, I wasn't talking to you!", screamed Suzy - she hated that sex dolls were even allowed at the same table...