The March of Science #15


This Poison


Up Your Decor - Holiday decorating!!!!!!!

Woooo hoo, decorators! You know what time of year it is??? Yes! That's right! It's Almost Holiday Time of Year! It's a time when everyone comes to your house and looks around and judges you based on your decorating force! You don't want your house looking all crazy and bad, do you? Decorate that shit or I will kill you!!!! That's the spirit!

If you've ever seen a window, you know they can be a real challenge to decorate!
They're pretty much a glass hole with nature poking through. That's not festive! You
should gather all the objects in the room in front of the window in a big pile, then
frame the whole deal in some tastefully restrained flowered drapes or something!
Shew! Crisis averted! Hahahahahahah!!!!!

Now that your windows are all covered, you'll want to find a way to remind yourself that
there's nature out there. Decorative nature! Start with a garden-themed wallpaper in a
subtle red-pink-green colorway. Then, allowing that to be your thematic touchstone,
simply collect objects around, using this rule of thumb: If there's nothing within eight
inches of a given object, move something to within six inches of that object. Cozy!!!!

It's not all restraint and self-control, though! In some living spaces, you can really
kick up your heels and have some fun, like this dining area with a fun black motif!
Start by painting the walls black, then do the floor in black things! The classical
Romangreekitalian sideboard is ready to be useful, all decked out with four apples,
a nine-ounce gravy tureen, and two teacups. Now you're ready for any number of
guests! Also, there are things on the wall, at a distance of no greater than five inches
from any other thing! Intimate!!!
And when you need to get away from the teeming crowds of holiday revelers, you can come to this
little sanctuary! A shrine to Ziffsabanbel Ur, your lion god and spirit guide of decorating! He's made from  fabric scraps and tea-dyed hemp! The Worship Shelf has everything you need to supplicate yourself to His Divine Whiskers: a lamp, a pot of baby's breath, a snuff box of tea-dyed
hemp, a brass urn filled with the ashes of your previous, now heretical god, and various manuals
on decorating and sacrificial rituals! Oh yeah, keep those windows covered, too! The light of day is
a hated foulness that dims the voice of interior design! There! Isn't that better????!!!!!!


This Seemed Crazy


Dirty D.I.Y., May 1955


You Call That an Interest Rate?



Boogaloo for your Life!




Johnny's Horcrux