Showing posts with label guns. Show all posts
Showing posts with label guns. Show all posts
8/30/16
3/5/15
The gun box.
Joke #1 - An Alaskan tax refund.
Joke #2 - Area man shoots self 206 times while cleaning guns. Cause of death to be determined.
Jim D. drew first and sent us this joke #3. Thanks, Jim! - NRA's "Guns Don't Kill People, People Kill People" campaign was set back by decades when this spokesmodel learned the hard way that even if unloaded guns can't kill you, enough of them, dropped on your abdomen, can cause various internal injuries leading to permanent loss of bowel and bladder control.
He may not always be first, but Mr.FancyProvactivePants_2 never misses a caption cattle call. Thanks, MFPP! Joke #4 - Photo of Joe L. Legal, winner of the President's Daily "Shitload Of Guns & A Driver's License Lottery". Runners up were given U.S. Citizenship...
[Commenter jokes will be added to the post. -Mgmt.]
11/21/13
Cluett, Peabody & Co., Inc. - Sanforized, or else.
Ooooh, how I miss the simpler times. You know, those times that were simpler, in the past, when you could joke about murder under the guise of brand loyalty? Wheee! The world was ever so grand and nice back then. If only we could go back.
In case you missed the message, it's "Confuse our product with another and one of our more loyal customers might murder you." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's a good one, advertising! We're so lucky we have you to keep us laughing! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You're killing me.
In case you missed the message, it's "Confuse our product with another and one of our more loyal customers might murder you." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's a good one, advertising! We're so lucky we have you to keep us laughing! Ha ha ha ha ha ha. You're killing me.
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9/6/13
A Rifle for Everybody - 1902 Sears catalog. Also, vintage race expedition.
Today we're off on a photographic expedition to the VSCDA Elkhart Lake Vintage Festival, taking pictures of gorgeous old race cars and shopping for the latest designs in underchin drool buckets. While we're away, please enjoy these listings for rifles, from the 1902 Sears catalog (a time when, in America, 90% of the people you pass on the street could do at least two different "hog hollers", unlike today, when only 30% are so able, the programming efforts of The "Discovery" Channel notwithstanding). One item is a "safety rifle", meant for children, and the other is a rifle designed just for cyclists! They just really really wanted everybody to have guns everywhere, all the time.
How many proud Junior Safety Rifle owners were heard to announce to their friends "Yessir! This here's a jin-you-WINE Quackenbush!" All of them, I hope. I imagine Wash Hogwallop's son had a Quackenbush Safety Rifle. He's sitting on a Sears and Wards catalog in this scene from O Brother, Where Art Thou, where he's about to R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
How many proud Junior Safety Rifle owners were heard to announce to their friends "Yessir! This here's a jin-you-WINE Quackenbush!" All of them, I hope. I imagine Wash Hogwallop's son had a Quackenbush Safety Rifle. He's sitting on a Sears and Wards catalog in this scene from O Brother, Where Art Thou, where he's about to R-U-N-N-O-F-T.
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9/14/11
Dad, Son, Gun.
Joke #2 - "Aw jeez, dad. Do you have to borrow my gun? I need it for class tomorrow. If you need to send someone a message, can you just borrow my horse's head instead?"
Joke #3 - "Playing with a gun, Bobby? really? A GUN? Is this how you want to live your life? What's next? Video games?"
Joke #4 - A turning point in a young man's life: Mister Presley teaches his son how to turn off the television."
[Commenter jokes will be added to the post. -Mgmt.]
Joke #5 comes from long-tine listener Sue. Thansk Sue! "and that, my boy, is Pistol Whipping. Tomorrow we'll do Russian Roulette. I'm sure this is what mom was talking about when she mentioned "quality time".
A bunch of jokes from Mononymous Dan. Thanks Dan!
Joke #6 - "I had one of those as a boy, and you know what..."
* Son shoots Dad in the head *
Joke #7 - "Now, son, violence doesn't solve anyth..."
* Son shoots Dad in the head *
Joke #8 - "Son, you may think it makes you the bigger man..."
* Son shoots Dad in the head *
Joke #9 - "Now, son, that's not even loaded..."
* Son shoots Dad in the head *
Joke #10 - "Son, you keep polishing that thing and you'll go blind."
* Son shoots Dad in the head *
CraigF brings us joke #11. Thanks Craigf! - Mr. Johnson and mom had been in Dad's cabinet with all the bottles all night. They made a lot of noise down on the couch. It sounded like they were picking up something heavy a whole bunch of times. After he heard mom snoring, Billy heard Mr. Johnson creep into his room. He smelled like rotten apples. Good thing Billy had Dad's Colt 1911 stashed under the bed in case of such an emergency.
Joke #12 is from John Josef. Take THAT, stupid painting! - Operative Billy hated to bring his work home with him, but Dad's oppressive school-nite bedtime regime had to be stopped.
1/29/10
Kruger Pistol - The "Kr" makes it affordable!
So I was flipping through a fifty-six year old copy of Popular Science, like any normal person, when I came across this full page ad for a cheap knockoff of a WWII Luger pistol.
Again, like any normal person, I jumped and said "Whoa!" We're just not used to seeing gun ads in non-gun magazines. Maybe if I were lying around in my sun room, sipping a cranberry spritzer, looking through the newest issue of Angry Drifter or Barely Employable, I could see this ad and and not be so surprised. Instead of thinking "By the great elf of keebler! A frikkin gun!", I'd probably think "Hm! That's a very economical weapon!"
I dunno. Maybe back in '54, guns hadn't been vilified so much. Maybe they hadn't been painted as dangerous vehicles of murder like they have now... you know, by all those murders people used them for.
Right after the surprise of seeing the ad, I had to scan the copy to see if it's a pellet gun or some realistic but non-functional collectible. Nope. Line one: "This is not an air or CO2 gun." It's also not a Luger. Luger was a German company that made the pistol by the same name. Lots of American soldiers came home (the ones that DID come home) with Lugers taken from German soldiers or by other means. The gun was famous and has a bit of a following. Looking up the name Luger now shows that they're now based in Connecticut, and have been since 1949. I wonder if they bought the name from the German company? I dunno. For more information, ask your local World War Two nut.
Misspell the name, and you're what we call "lawyer-safe". You can do whatever you like with the resulting name and you can't be sued by the non-"Kr" company. Ever see cheap electronics by the name "Coby" in a font that looks a LOT like "Sony". Same thing. The look alike trick is something my friend calls the "grandma store version", meaning that there's a store somewhere where grandmas buy gifts for grandchildren. Grandma can't keep all the names straight and will buy anything that sort of looks like the right name. She may come home with "Space Wars" figures or some other not-even-close approximation of the thing you actually want. The grandma store is a fiction used to explain a real world phenomena: cheap knockoff products.
But three dollars for a real gun! That's $24 in today's money. Talk about your cheap murder! Of course, you could be buying the thing to shoot imitation clay pigeons or empty cans from "Bambell's Soup". Who was the market for a dirt-cheap gun? The recently unemployed? Children? The recent gun hobbyist who's not sure if "this whole gun thing" is for him? The ad was run in Popular Science, so I guess the market was disappointed technology fans who wish they could be real scientists. Guilty as charged, but I don't want an imitation Luger. If ever I actually DID want a gun, I think I'd want a really good, proper gun. When you're buying a thing that sends bullets whizzing around, you definintely want one that's reliable, so the bullets whiz in the right direction. I'd imagine that a poorly made gun would stand an even chance of just exploding your fingers off or missing the intended target by a country mile.
Look at the smaller picture in the ad. It's a serving suggestion showing you how the gun goes in your hand. It'd be great if they had a picture of a doofus using the Kruger to itch inside his nostril, with a big "NO" sign across it. In any case, the Kruger company seems to be aiming at the velcro-closure shoes types who need tips on how to point a gun. Maybe the picture is intended to show that the gun is full size, and not a miniature model? Naw... the hand could be miniature too. The photo proves nothing.
I dunno. Maybe back in '54, guns hadn't been vilified so much. Maybe they hadn't been painted as dangerous vehicles of murder like they have now... you know, by all those murders people used them for.
Right after the surprise of seeing the ad, I had to scan the copy to see if it's a pellet gun or some realistic but non-functional collectible. Nope. Line one: "This is not an air or CO2 gun." It's also not a Luger. Luger was a German company that made the pistol by the same name. Lots of American soldiers came home (the ones that DID come home) with Lugers taken from German soldiers or by other means. The gun was famous and has a bit of a following. Looking up the name Luger now shows that they're now based in Connecticut, and have been since 1949. I wonder if they bought the name from the German company? I dunno. For more information, ask your local World War Two nut.
Misspell the name, and you're what we call "lawyer-safe". You can do whatever you like with the resulting name and you can't be sued by the non-"Kr" company. Ever see cheap electronics by the name "Coby" in a font that looks a LOT like "Sony". Same thing. The look alike trick is something my friend calls the "grandma store version", meaning that there's a store somewhere where grandmas buy gifts for grandchildren. Grandma can't keep all the names straight and will buy anything that sort of looks like the right name. She may come home with "Space Wars" figures or some other not-even-close approximation of the thing you actually want. The grandma store is a fiction used to explain a real world phenomena: cheap knockoff products.
But three dollars for a real gun! That's $24 in today's money. Talk about your cheap murder! Of course, you could be buying the thing to shoot imitation clay pigeons or empty cans from "Bambell's Soup". Who was the market for a dirt-cheap gun? The recently unemployed? Children? The recent gun hobbyist who's not sure if "this whole gun thing" is for him? The ad was run in Popular Science, so I guess the market was disappointed technology fans who wish they could be real scientists. Guilty as charged, but I don't want an imitation Luger. If ever I actually DID want a gun, I think I'd want a really good, proper gun. When you're buying a thing that sends bullets whizzing around, you definintely want one that's reliable, so the bullets whiz in the right direction. I'd imagine that a poorly made gun would stand an even chance of just exploding your fingers off or missing the intended target by a country mile.
Look at the smaller picture in the ad. It's a serving suggestion showing you how the gun goes in your hand. It'd be great if they had a picture of a doofus using the Kruger to itch inside his nostril, with a big "NO" sign across it. In any case, the Kruger company seems to be aiming at the velcro-closure shoes types who need tips on how to point a gun. Maybe the picture is intended to show that the gun is full size, and not a miniature model? Naw... the hand could be miniature too. The photo proves nothing.
* * * * * * * * * *
Articles in this month's Angry Drifter magazine:
-Kruger Pistol Review: Felony on a Budget
-The "Report" Report: How Loud is Too Loud?
-Murder: Know When to Say When
-Anger Management: Keep the Fires Burning
-Planning Your Next Multi-State Crime Spree
-Eyebrow Management: Going for that "normal" look.
-"Am I Unstable Enough?": Our fifty question quiz will tell you!
-Silencers Roundup: Sometimes Death Whispers
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