Halloween Day - Gronk make poem.

Fancy Mans in Grave Yard.

One day, fancy mans say "Let's have rest in grave yard,
because we like wear stockings and foofy clothe."
Be fancy all day make tired,
and dead mans probably won't arose.

Use dead mans stone for chair.
Dead mans not like.
Be dead lots of years make hungry,
and dead mans not like you there.

"Graaah!" Dead mans got up!
Nobody could have guess!
"Ack! Dead mans! Squee!" say fancy mans.
Dead mans make yummy mess.

Dragon Shed.

Old-time village have problem
of where store extra mans.
Then weird mayor have giant idea.
"Make shed. Make look like dragon."
"Can put extra mans in dragon shed."

Village try shed idea.
Spent half village budget make dragon shed.
Make costume for dress like demon,
push mans into shed
with hay fork.

Turn out, people not like dragon shed,
and getting poked.
Village ask weird mayor to go.
Chase old weird mayor out of village.

Village elect farmer for new mayor.
Old weird mayor say "village not ready for proactive ideas."
Old weird mayor starve in woods.
Got eat by family of raccoons.


Rinso - Very happy to see.

Hey, dish users! Do you want to get unnaturally, inappropriately excited about laundry? You can be as cranked as these Rinso ladies. How? Coffe enemas! or Rinso!

Yeah, apparently some people have found that the colon is a very quick way to get anything absorbed into your system in huge amounts... dangerously so. I think it has something to do with the fact that your large intestine's job is to absorb nutrients, and it's meant to receive stuff that's been processed by all the organs "up north" first, softening the blow. Pour mind-altering stuff directly into it, and all that surface area works hard to absorb everything real quick. People put almost anything where the sun don't shine. Beer and coffee being notable examples. Apparently, young frat bros sometimes die of alcohol poisoning this way. If you've ever met a frat bro, you may not have a strong reaction to this news. Go ask an ER person, or type things into a search box for yourself, because I'm sure as hell not going to. I heard about this stuff on medical podcasts and Spike TV, before I cancelled cable, having learned everything I needed to know about the world. Thank you, television. Learning complete!

Aaaanyhoo, so yeah, Rinso. If you want to be pants-moisteningly thrilled about doing laundry, go get some, if they still make it, or whatever. Graphic gift time? Graphic gift time!!!

Click for big.
These unreasonably happy ladies don't have to be talking about Rinso. Think of all they could do for you if you put your own text in that box. You're welcome!

"Ooooooo, someone got a vasectomy!"

"Nothing says 'I love you' like Trouser-Fresh!"

"Did someone say 'reverse mortgage'?"

Click for big.


DIY tips from pro self it-doers!

Stabilize your telephoto lens with this DIY rifle-stock-shaped camera mount. Inventor says he enjoys taking pictures of political appearances, human rights protests, parades, birthday parties, or just random schoolyards.

Mirror with convenient reference ornament helps observers understand they are not eagles. Also available: model for eagles with human-shaped carving in "spread person" pose.

New product "Gunk" claims to remove grease scourfully. Can be used for many hardful cleaning jobs around the house. Easefully gettable in cheaptive smallish or largesome sizeitudes. Not for usement on eating stuffs. Prolongey exposement may make have prain broplem of hard talk good. Care have of kid use gruh. Mbuff risk fluh neurolgimal  bz muffbbbuuuuhhhh California ffffuuuuuuhhhhhh.

Photo hobbyists can prevent loss of chemical jug corks by tying a string to a screw eye in stopper. Improper DK-50 ventilation of darkroom may result in obvious things seeming like incredibly clever ideas.


Google cat, revived.

It has come to our attention that someone drew a can in Google maps somewhere in New Zealand. Google couldn't let people just wreck their maps with funny stuff, so they removed it. Many mourned the loss of Google cat. He looked like this:

It doesn't have to be the end. The Phil Are GO! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Squad have traced Google Cat with the good old pen tool. We are proud to provide Google Cat to the world on a convenient transparent alpha background, so his travels can go on. God speed, Google cat. You're welcome, Internet.

Click for big.

Chesro Frocks - Tootaly raging.

Sometimes I come across an image that makes me really miss making album covers for my CDs.

Click for big.

Click for big.


Trade School Sonnets - I Dream of an RD4152G Pressure Regulator

I Dream of an RD4152G Pressure Regulator
by Jane Austen
How dare I rise to meet another day
without him?
How can I bear to bore and tap a 1/4 20 hole
knowing he does not know?
Can I chamfer an edge to 1/32 radius
before I know if I am dear to him?

O! The cutting oil flows milky white
and gathers in the ewer.
Like milk of kindness
laced with jagged shavings.
Do not drink the kindness in the ewer!

How dare I bear the pressure in my chest?
The pressure of longing
for his longing.
How can I relieve the underside of the mounting plate
to save weight?
I cannot relieve my waiting.

O! The pressure!
O! My love.
Save me, RD4152G Pressure Regulator.
You are rated at a primary pressure of 20.7 bar.
Your price includes gage, fittings, mounting studs and gasket.


Ballantine Ale - Velb, Myra, Spim, and Gladylvania.

The sky was a tumbling blue, as the sun found it's way home after the large sporting ball game. Velb, Myra, Spim, and Gladylvania chose to enjoy an unspecific ale in reasonable amounts, so they went to their favorite non-threatening paneled brewhouse, The Honkie Chateau.

They all loved to come back to their alma mater, State, to watch the large sporting ball games, especially so in the fall, when the weather was at it's most neutral. You could wear a coat, or not! They chose  a table in the same corner as always, near the photo-graphs of past sporting ball heroes.

Velb effused, "Look, gang! There's all our favorites up there on the wall. Such favorites as..."

"Kirk Tropenvald, the very famous slipping-on-something champeen. He played for State!"
"...and Whiff Frinfwhoff, the several-times most valuable being-surprised-to-have-forgotten-his-helmet player!"

"...and the rest of the everybody, variously acquitted of all sexual assault and criminal battery charges for not clearly explained reasons!"

"Ha ha ha! Said Gladylvania. I'm sure all those sexual assaults and batteries were just a crazy misunderstanding. Several of my doctors say that I will feel even more of that opinion in several decades when I can once again remove my arm from this brace! It will be good to no longer accidentally hail taxis."

"Yes," Spim said, "I am very glad that there is State. You can look at my impulse-purchased pennant if you forget that I am glad that we have states. See it now, my pennant? See how I wave it?"

"I am also so pleased with State that I can perform a glad dance. I perform it uninvited at many social occasions. It involves pointing my thumbs, and there are little kicks. I believe that I am a very excellent dancer, in spite of the testimonials of my friends and acquaintances to the contrary!"

"I can look at your breast when you dance in this manner! said Velb."

Bwelia was glad nobody noticed what she and Trory were doing.

Click for big.


Vintage Lenses Adapter Update - Fotodiox Speed Booster revelation. Here come the fuzz.

Breaking news now, on the using-vintage-lenses front! Some of you may recall (being uninterested in) our vintage lens comparison of a couple weeks back. Our (incorrect) result showed that the 1966 Nikkor F-mount 50mm f/1.4 had what I interpreted to be a "dreamy glow" at it's widest aperture of f/1.4. Commenter Telecinese commented thusly:

The Fotodiox focal reducer is notoriously smeary at wide lens apertures, to the point of massive pre-buyer outrage, many refunds and the hasty rebadging of the first version as a "soft focus special effect" adapter. It's very possible your Nikon is better wide open than you think.

Now, I was well aware of the argy-bargy after the release of their first focal reducer/speed booster, the "Light Canon", easily identified by it's distinctive blue aperture ring. The one I bought was their identically-purposed "Excell +1", which has a red aperture ring and was meant to be an apology for the universally hated Light Cannon. In fact, when I bought the Excell +1, they sent me a copy of the blue-ringed adapter for free, having rebadged it as a "soft focus adapter". I guess the hope was that it could find a place in our hearts as a "special effect" tool. Well, I can tell you that both the red and blue versions of their Nikon-to-Canon-FD adapters can be safely rebadged as a "cataract effect" and they can find a place in a nice comfy dumpster.

One more thin adapter was needed in order to use the good Metabones adapter on the Nikon lens. This chart should help you visualize the strategy.
A new adapter arrived - a Nikon to Canon FD adapter. Using this, you can mount the Nikkor lens to the properly good (and way more expensive) Metabones focal reducer/speed booster/adapter-converter. Lens adapters are not like the plugs in your house. With electrical cords, plugging too many adapters into each other is a recipe for a charred, smokey Christmas. With camera lenses, as long as the light gets where it needs to be, and in proper focus, the camera doesn't care what kooky mechanism you cobbled together to make it happen.

So, put Nikon lens on Nikon-to-Canon adapter, and put Canon adapter on camera. Power on camera. I pointed the camera at a couple of random lenses on the coffee table and took some test shots. In all the pictures, the camera was sitting on the coffee table, so camera shake shouldn't be a factor. I took two shots with each adapter: one at f/2.8 and one at f/1.4, to show how the aperture effects the softness of the focus. Pay no attention to any of the writing on the lenses in the test shots. They're just there to provide some fine detail.

Wowzers. The red Fotodiox "apology adapter" is still garbage. My advice is to avoid Fotodiox's "active" adapters. Fotodiox does make lens adapters that don't have any corrective optics in them, and they may be fine. I have no idea. However, recall that I had to spend an evening carefully sanding the mounting flanges on the red Fotodiox adapter just to get it to mount to my E-M5 without fear of breaking the camera's lens mount. So, it seems that Fotodiox has difficulty in manufacturing a couple of mounting flanges that don't pose a threat to your camera. Telecinese was right. The Excell +1 really is a hopeless piece of junk.

Here are both of the Fotodiox adapters. The blue one is the laughably named "soft focus adapter". The red one above it is the subject of this test. You can see the silvery area on the mounting flanges where I had to sand and polish it to get it to simply fit on my camera.

The cheapo M42-Micro Four Thirds speed booster I bought on Ebay is still miles better than the Fotodiox. So, minor victory there. The real good news is that the 1966 Nikkor lens turned out to be way better than it originally seemed, no thanks to Fotodiox.


B-58 Buick - This is your father's Oldsmobuick.

In one of the Fletch movies (I can't remember which and I don't care enough to rewatch them), Fletch refers to an old car as an "Oldsmobuick". I can't tell old cars apart, just by the design of their byzantine front ends or by the shape of their cathedral-like tail fins. Sure is a sparkly grille, though.

In '58, Buick was pushing the aeronautic angle really hard. They keep mentioning their use of "aluminum brakes" and the design of the car pulls heavily from airplane designs of the time.

Aluminum was associated with airplanes. It sounded super high-tech. So, Buick was very keen to make the association by name-dropping the material four times. Any engineer reading this ad copy may get a mild heart attack reading "aluminum brakes". They really should have explained what part of the brakes were aluminum. You definitely don't want the brake rotors to be aluminum, as they would have a terrible service life. They wouldn't stand up to the heating and physical abuse. The aluminum was probably used in the brake calipers. Those are the clamps that hold the pads that squeeze the rotors, and that makes more sense.

Aluminum is still only gradually finding its way into mass production vehicles. Lots of cars make us of aluminum in the suspension components, due to the lightness and anti-rustyness of aluminum, down there where the sun don't shine. Aluminum is one of the most common elements on the planet, but it's still more expensive to produce than steel, because to make useable aluminum from it's naturally-occurring form of bauxite, requires huge amounts of electricity.

Auto makers still borrow the image of trendy materials today. Carbon fiber is the new high-tech wonder material that product managers love to seem to put in their cars. See, CF is still too expensive for mass market cars, but the distinctive black woven pattern that reminds you of carbon fiber can be found all over modern cars. Interior surfaces often have the look of black and grey checked patterns to borrow some of the cache' of the super-expensive material. You can even buy rolls of adhesive vinyl in a fake carbon fiber pattern and stick it on your car. Guys with backwards baseball hats will tell you this makes the car faster.

Gratuitous 3D printing. This will get worse before it gets better.

So what's going to be the new trendy look? Hard to say. 3D printing is up and coming right now, and people have always loved frivolous decoration for the sake of it, like we see on the front of the Buick in this ad. Maybe it will soon be fashionable for parts of your car to have the pointlessly ornate look of 3D printed-ness? Man, I hope not. But of course, that means it will happen. Maybe you're jealous of the fettuccine shoes in the picture above? You may be in luck. Hang on tight, because you might get to have a whole car that looks like it was made out of string.


Gronk You Answer - Stock!StockStock!

Linda wang say...

Dear manager,
Many thanks for your time to read my email.
This's Linda, i learnt you from internet, we are a supplier of grains and oil in China mainland.
The main product include: beans, nuts, seeds&kernels, grains, edible cooking oil, canned food...etc, with high quality and good price, welcome you to choose.
If you are interested, pls contact me with no hesitation.

Linda wang
Jilin Tian’En Grain and Oil Imp & Exp Co.,Ltd

Thank for letter, capital Linda small Wang. First, Gronk want say that everyone need somebody. So, it good to see that you belong to This. I hope This treat you right. Maybe some day you stop being capital Linda small Wang and blossom into capital Linda capital Wang.

Gronk eat lots of thing in Gronk day. Extra hand that viking not using any more. Cat that Gronk found under other cat. Chalupa. But Gronk got to draw line somewhere. Gronk not interested in eat good price bean or nut from China. Gronk not crazy. But Gronk wonder about quality of good price imp. Gronk not have imp in long time. How much for imp?


Me gronk

boneza say...

From: bozena
Subject: HELLO
Did you receive my previous mail?

Thank for letter, boneza. Yes, Gronk receive you previous mail. It delicious. But Gronk still not ready for relationship.

Me Gronk.

Dasiy say...

Good day!Stock!Stock!Stock!
With promotion pricingWe are electronic cigarette factory. Pls check following our electronic cigarette price.
Windrose mod $19.8
HARIBON 18650 MOD $14.5
Corsair mod $14.9
manhattan MOD $13.65
Windrose mod $19.9
GIVO Mod $16.5
26650 Big nasty $15.9
Waitting for your further inquiry .

Best Regards,

Thanks for letter, Dasiy!Stock!Stock!Stock! Yes, Gronk need electronic cigarette. Gronk VCR not have good smoke in long time. VCR is jonesing big time! Can't concentrate or play Mama's Family tape any more! HAW HAW! BAH HAH HAH HAH hahahahaha! Gronk zing you good!



New ideas and tips... from science!

New radial arm drill press is radial, is on arm. Also compatible with non-gigantic trousers.

Paint brush ferrule can be used as leather punch. May require development of new, sturdier, sharper paint brushes.

Otherwise useless air from stupid, pointless spare tire can finally be used to power crucial, very important windscreen wiper.