2/16/10

Camels - Trust your "T" zone, idiot.

Lung cancer was linked to cigarette smoking as early as 1929. The first time cigarette advertising was restricted was in 1940 Nazi Germany. Say what? Yep. Starting in 1967, America began to restrict the advertising of cigarettes, sort of.
But in 1946, the party was still flying high! This ad for Camels uses a few kinds of misdirection and inference to make you think that cigarettes are healthy for you. The general thrust of the reasoning is that "If doctors do it, it must be good for you." That's a serious logical fallacy that most grownups can see through.There are also doctors that kill themselves. By R.J. Reynolds' reasoning, we may well believe that killing yourself is good for you.

They don't actually lie, here. They just surveyed a bunch of doctors, who smoke already, which brand they preferred. They'd rather you just assume that they asked all doctors, not just the ones who smoke. But they asked the ones who have already demonstrated their lack of judgement and capacity for denial.

Look at the busy survey crew, or, the carefully staged dramatization of the alleged research crew. Look at them tabulating and researching. "Which brand do doctors prefer? Which brand? We MUST KNOW! You call that tabulating? Tabulate harder!"

Hey, look at the size of that woman at the top. She must be twenty feet tall. She probably got so big smoking healthy, delicious Camels. Incidentally, there's no law against handing out free product to a customer base and then surveying said customer base to see which product they use most. Oh yeah, Camel found that doctors smoke Camels most, by the way.

Camel used a great piece of adver-babble: "The 'T' Zone". That stands for "taste" and "throat", as you see. They call it a laboratory for testing cigarettes."Only your taste and your throat can decide which cigarette is best for you... and how it affects your throat." Okay, we found our first actual lie in the ad! A biopsy can tell you how a cigarette affects your throat much better than your throat can.

Here are some examples of the same unassailable logic we find in this ad...

"More obese doctors eat Crisco shortening by the spoonful, washing it down with a glass of bacon, than any other brand. Only your 'L-Zone' can tell you which lard is right for you."

"More Ford salesmen die in fiery explosions in a 1974 Pinto than in any other car. Only your 'D-Zone' can tell you how refreshing your incineration feels."

"More Musicians use Heroin than any other opiate. Something about an 'H' or whatever. Just go find some heroin, okay?"

"More advertising executives cheat on their wives in The Bahamas than in any other Caribbean commonwealth. Trust your 'Scumbag-Zone' to tell you which cabana is the right one in which to hump your secretary after dropping a roofie in her drink."

"More R.J. Reynolds chemists drink the blood of orphans than any other child. Trust your 'Ghoul-Zone' to tell you which orphan's blood is the sweetest and stickiest. You might try blinding them first, so it's harder for them to run away."


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