Joke #1 - "Uh-oh. Looks like your house burned down, my son. Too bad you quit coming to Church or you'd have someone to pray to. See you there next Sunday?"
Joke #2 - "I'm sorry son. I had to burn your hose down. I had no choice. I heard your wife is a communist. You know, how she wears pants instead of skirts?"
Joke #3 - "Well, you know what they say: 'If you love something, set it on fire. If it burns, it was never meant to be.' Right? Or maybe that was only about women. I forget. Well, the really terrible thing is, your family's dead. See you in Church next Sunday?"
Joke #4 - "If it makes you feel any better, your house isn't really destroyed. Its various materials merely oxidized, combining their molecules with oxygen molecules in the air. ... and you like oxygen, right?"
Joke #5 - "Gosh, your house may have been saved if only those firemen had sprayed it with the hose, instead of whatever's over there to the left of your house. Won't you consider contributing to the annual firemen's dinner dance fund this year?"
Joke #7 - "Look at it this way... it's all part of God's plan, my son. Therefore, you must have done something to make Him angry. Why are you such a terrible person?"
Joke #8 - "I want you to know that the parish is here for you, in your time of need. Look deep into my black, soulless pits and tell me you understand."
In comes Sue with the topical Valentine's Day joke. ZAM!...
Joke #9 - "I'm sorry, son. I know you already bought her something, and the 'my house burned down with your present in it' excuse is REALLY good. But, you're going to have to run out and get her something for Valentine's Day again or you'll never hear the end of it!"
Joke #10 from Craig. Take THAT, defenseless old picture! "Say, thanks for inviting us to the cookout, Bob. Sorry I got drunk and burned your house down, but you know me!"