Vaseline Hair Tonic - You seem to have some male in your hair.

Wet look. Dry look. They oscillate pretty regularly every few months. In 1967, the "wet look" was in, and Vaseline was there to help you with their hair tonic, which "Brings out the male in your hair... naturally". The bottle proclaims that "every drop fights dryness." Wow. Vaseline REALLY doesn't like the dry look. And why would they? Vaselines fortunes are built on products made from oil.

Are you the kind of man with male in your hair? Read this intense casino drama and find out. Click through the picture for increased bigness.

Would you have the moxie to spot the cheating dealer? Would you have the gumption to call him out in front of a crowd?

Would you have the maleness to save a young woman (who looks forty-six and is wearing my aunt's hair) from almost certain hornswagglery and make sexiness at her? Would you have the Vaseline to drag that crooked dealer into the foyer and rectally violate him with a hat rack? With Vaseline Hair Tonic in your hair, you're damn right you would.

But wait! What if the dealer also has Vaseline Hair Tonic maleness in his hair? He could make for one tough customer as well. His hair, while not as dreamfully laminated as the Hero's, is definitely not dry.

I dunno. He looks pretty sheepish. He knows the jig is up. He's not very "maleness". His hair must be wearing ordinary mayonnaise. He'll lose the hat rack fight. He'll lose his job at the Scamboat Casino and Lounge. And most importantly, he won't wake up in the morning next to the exhausted form of Maude, slip back into his wrinkled tux and sneak out the door with her pillow stuck to the back of his head. What a loser.