3/20/12

Mr. Headlights - Safety first.

Joke #1 - "Okay, I am now in position. If someone will gently drive the car forward, this cylindrical drill will extract a perfect core sample of my torso. I think you'll all agree that this will advance science."

Joke #2 - Ken's newest set of lights would require additional power, but that was okay. He had some room in the battery trailer to squeeze in a few more batteries."

Joke #3 - "We can leave in a minute, honey. Oh, hey, can you hand me the rest of the lights?"

Joke #4 - "And because he chose to put the watermark over in this corner of the picture, you could, if you wanted to, easily crop it out and use this picture for anything you like."

Joke #5 - Then Ken realized that the lights under the bumper could be much bigger. All he had to do was modify the suspension, making the car ride several inches higher. His wife would notice that, though. Hmm. He'd better go and make all her shoes taller.

Joke #6 - "... and Oliver has run himself over! What a great twit!"

Joke #7 - Ken's newest set of lights would require a little more power, but that was okay. The larger alternator could fit in the front seat. He could put a hat on it and drive in the carpool lane.

Joke #7 - "Now, I'm going to just lie here and wire up the new air horn. Whatever you do, don't start the car, which, I might add, has the keys in the ignition, and press the center of the steering wheel. Also, you mustn't put the car in drive. You absolutely must not do either of those things right now. I'm not kidding. ...or turn on the lights. You also mustn't do that either. Whatever you do, you truly must not do any of those things I just said.... even a tiny bit."

Joke #7.5 - "If I hear one more joke about 'why not just get new glasses or drive in the daytime', I swear I will come right over there and, well, don't make me come over there."

Jokes #8 and 9 came in quickly from Fil. BAM and BAM! Thanks, Fil!

Joke #8 - "Stop mocking me, sun!"

Joke #9 - Bodies were strewn across the highway, each bearing its own blood-soaked parka. Twisted, metallic heaps, once Vespas, dotted the roadway. As Merle worked frantically to remove their telltale headlights which now freckled his own vehicle, he could hear someone, or something, approaching. He stopped to calculate the time remaining before the entity reached him. He knew all hope was lost as he could just make out the opening aria to the soundtrack for 'Quadrophenia'.


Joke #10 is a very auto-savvy entry from Jim Dillon. Thanks Jim! - It's like I said last month, Mrs. Filson. Once you start picking these things off, you gotta keep on top of them or they'll get away from you. On a Nash like this, the only other way is a complete front-end transplant.


Jokey help from Brain Thought for #11. Thanks Brain! - I made a Back To The Future reference last time, but what the hey, it works better this time:"No, no, no this suckers electrical! But I need a nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 jigowatts for the high-beams..."

'Nother Brain Thought thought for our bright car. Thanks Brain! #12 - This guy is the reason there's laws against this sort of thing now.

Brain Thought could not stop if he wanted to. Take THAT, old picture! #13 - You wait and see Dave, you just wait! You laughed at me with all the headlights and now we see how well that works. Well, when I get this external turbocharger installed...well, you just wait and see!

Joke #14 comes to us from John Josef stationed in a terrifying future world of mechanical predators. Thanks, John! And remember they mostly come out at night, mostly. - Hank's giant internal combustion spider was complete. Now to find some little hybrids to feed it...

Joke #15 is from Fil, who cann't stop pummeling this old defenseless photograph. Well pummeled, Fil! - "Pull my finger."

Joke #16 is a mysterious offering from an unnamed commenter who wishes to remain nameless, but I think it's our old friend Anonymous! - "If one more person laughs when I say 'petcock'..."

Good thing he didn't say "ball valve" -ed.
[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.    -Mgmt.]

Click for a bigger big.



12 comments:

Fil said...

Stop mocking me, sun!

Fil said...

Bodies were strewn across the highway, each bearing its own blood-soaked parka. Twisted, metallic heaps, once Vespas, dotted the roadway.
As Merle worked frantically to remove their telltale headlights which now freckled his own vehicle, he could hear someone, or something, approaching. He stopped to calculate the time remaining before the entity reached him. He knew all hope was lost as he could just make out the opening aria to the soundtrack for 'Quadrophenia'.

Jim Dillon said...

It's like I said last month, Mrs. Filson. Once you start picking these things off, you gotta keep on top of them or they'll get away from you. On a Nash like this, the only other way is a complete front-end transplant.

BrainThought said...

I made a Back To The Future reference last time, but what the hey, it works better this time:

"No, no, no this suckers electrical! But I need a nuclear reaction to generate the 1.21 jigowatts for the high-beams..."

BrainThought said...

This guy is the reason there's laws against this sort of thing now.

BrainThought said...

You wait and see Dave, you just wait! You laughed at me with all the headlights and now we see how well that works. Well, when I get this external turbocharger installed...well, you just wait and see!

Fil said...

Pull my finger.

John Josef said...

Hank's giant internal combustion spider was complete. Now to find some little hybrids to feed it...

Anonymous said...

"If one more person laughs when I say 'petcock'..."

Anonymous 2

Anonymous said...

Re: My Comment(#16)-
Let's lengthen that list shall we?
...or "Push-Rod"
...or "Tightening My Nuts"
...or "Leaky Hose"
...or "Ball Joint"
...or "Rear End"
...or "Lubricating this Shaft"
...or "Adjusting the Rack"
Yes, the Automotive Innuendo could go on forever!!
(I apologize) Anonymous 2

Anonymous said...

I couldn't resist one more caption:
" Hey Stu! Could ya hand me that flashlight? I dropped the bulb down behind that second bank of fuseable links. Gawd, all this incandesence is giving me a boner!!"

Anonymous 2

Fil said...

i shot string cheese out my nose when I read 'Well pummeled'. hahaahaa awesome!

Post a Comment