"Pizza doesn't have to be a pie anymore." Correct, I suppose. It also doesn't have to be thicker than paper, have more than a spoonful of sauce smeared around it to a thickness of an Angstrom unit, or have more than a light dusting of dried parmesan sneezed onto it, which is in danger of being blown right off again by light breeze. But, at least it looks adorable, and your five year old will be delighted that it looks like a thing. They'll also believe it's pizza because mommy says so, just as they'll believe a dog is a fire truck if mommy says so.
But don't you dare show this pathetic stuff to a grownup and call it pizza. Pizza? I know pizza, sir. Pizza is a friend of mine, and this is not pizza.
It's ironic that, in this horror show of recommended pizza ingredients, anchovies are one of the more acceptable toppings on display, serving time as the cat's whiskers. But of course the pizza in this ad isn't meant to be eaten. It's meant to be delightful. Can you imagine ordering pizza in a restaurant and having this dropped on your table? "Yes, we're all very charmed. So charmed, in fact, that I may charmingly punch you in the nuts if you don't take this insulting mess away and bring us some less blasphemous pizza before I destroy you a lot."
That's better. Leave us.
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