Text pasted from the Gawker article.
Last month, U.S. military planners were scratching their heads over why the Iranians were building a painstaking replica of a Nimitz-class American aircraft carrier, all the way down to the deck numbers. Well, it turns out Iran just really wants to make it go boom.
The replica, which appears to be 2/3 scale and made of steel—just like the real thing—was first spotted under construction last summer "at a shipyard on the Persian Gulf near the Strait of Hormuz," according to Stars and Stripes, but it wasn't until this spring that U.S. officials "saw the number 68 painted on it—the same number of the USS Nimitz, which was deployed in the region last summer."
Iranian state TV had initially said the large, costly mock-up was for a movie. But now a newspaper in Iran reports that it's for blowin' up in a war game:
"The Sunday report by independent Haft-e Sobh daily quotes Adm. Ali Fadavi, navy chief of the powerful Revolutionary Guards as saying Iranian forces should "target the carrier in the trainings, after it is completed."
Adm. Fadavi said: "We should learn about weaknesses and strengths of our enemy."
This story is too good to leave un-joked. BEGIN!
Joke #1 - The Iranians based their model on an American ship that was 33% farther away than they thought.*
Joke #2 - Our 2/3 scale defenses are defenseless against their full-sized two-thirds trained army! We should 66% surrender!!!
Joke #3 - If all goes according to plan, the Iranians will then stick needles in the model ship, and the real one will sink. This is not the craziest thing the Iranians believe.
Joke #4 - This training program had the world's highest output of sprue trees.
Joke #5 - That's a lot of Testor's #1163tt Flat Battle Gray.
Joke #6 - Iran had to delay the application of decals because Iran's mom called Iran down to dinner. Hey! Taco night!
Joke #7 - Iran is preparing a really huge M80, just for the occasion.
Joke #8 - They are going to blow it up, but they also have another one to keep Mint In Package. they're not insane, you know.
Joke #9 - Real proof that the Iranian government is huffing glue.
Jokes #10 and 11 come to us from Jim D. Thanks, Jim!
Joke#10 - It's only 2/3 scale, but hey, they're using 1.333 as many speed holes as the Nimitz. You do the math.
Joke #11 - At that scale, they can use the speed holed as portholes!
*I know, that's not how perspective works, but it's good enough for a joke.
[Commenter jokes will be added to the post. -Mgmt.]