5/20/10

GE Sunlamps - Alleged healthy glow.

 Joke #1:Hoyt could only look on in envy. Everything had been different since that weekend at the boat house. Gary used to let him straighten his tie while staring deep into his nostrils.

 Joke #2: "Awww, honey... you popped my favorite pimple! Now what am I supposed to sing show tunes to?"

Joke #3: GE's new Smuglamps will give you that smug douchebag look all year 'round! Just three exposures per day of one hour each, and GE's patented Smugwaves will penetrate and nourish your skin, turning you a rich, smug douchebaggey color that your wife/mistress/girlfriend/genetic clone will absolutely adore!

Joke #4: Honey, your tie's crooked. Let me fix it for you, but please don't headbutt me. Hey! I said DON'T headbu- *thunk!*

Joke #5:  In this archival photo, submitted today by Brach's Candy for a grand jury investigation, a young Paul Giamatti is given a starlight mint for testing, by then-researcher Jackie Onassis. In damning testimony by former employees, the prosecution argued that "they didn't need babies to tell them the mints were too large." Brach's Candy defended the practice, stating "Have you ever actually smelled a baby's breath?" Deliberation continues today.

Joke #6: "I'm sorry, sweetie-pie. They don't allow children in Florida. Here's a sunlamp and a little beach ball. Water's over there, in the toilet. We'll see you in a week, okay? Aww, that's my little angel."

Joke #7: Are you tired of other babies getting all the attention from women? GE's sunlamps are now approved by GE for baby use! Your baby will be a healthy bronze color and h - o - t, hot! Don't wait up, mom! Junior's got a date, heh heh!

Joke #8: "I'm sorry sweetie-pie. They don't allow semi-amphibious subterranean wretches in Florida. here's your Precious, and I'll turn on the Yellow Face to keep you warm. Fish are over there in the toilet. We'll see you in a week, okay? Aww, that's my little Smeagol."

2 comments:

Sue said...

Can you even imagine $10 for a light bulb? In 1949 that was steep! I know - far cheaper than airline tickets to Florida!! I really should work on my elbow tan while I'm topless and brushing my hair. Drive the men crazy!!!

Phil Are Go! said...

$8.50 in 1949 was like $75.00 in real modern money. Holy jeez! Or, someone could just sit in a chair in the backyard for free.

Also, I think the lady's only concern is driving the sunlamp crazy. Very hot.

Thanks for commenting!

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