U.S. Air Force - Hear big words and use them!

Let's say you're the U.S. Air force. You're not? Few people are, but let's say you are, and you need new recruits to fly some planes over some kind of troublesome Southeast Asian country in a couple of years or something. How do you get them to stampede to your recruiting office? Tempt them with the promise of jargon. It shows you how the Air Force felt about advertising budgets in 1960. Click for slightly enhanced legibility, over. Ksshht.



Joke Alpha: "Honey, some wiseass keeps calling up and going 'boooooooooop' into the phone. Do you...? Wait a second. 20Db spike at 1500 Hertz... 8Db roll-off at 150 Hertz... Nagging tone boosted by 14 Db... Hey! It's your mother!"

Joke Bravo: "You may handle a situation like this. Or, you could completely screw it up and get some people killed. In today's Air Force, you'll enjoy a complete lack of accountability, and a cool hat. Send for our free booklet 'So you like to say words into an instrument?' today"

Joke Charlie: The iPhone 4G. Steve Jobs can sell anything.

Joke Delta: "Hello? Wow! Those ARE great long distance rates! One second. Let me attenuate my apathy filter a little."

Joke Echo: "Hey honey, it's your mother. She wants to borrow the Honda on Saturday. Her heart rate's a little elevated, but her galvanic skin response is within normal range. I don't think she's telling the whole truth. Should I offer her the Aztek?"

Joke Foxtrot: (Ring ring) "Wooooooooooooooooooooop! Uh, what's that? Oh! Hi, Mom! Sorry, I thought you were Gina's sister. I'll start over. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee..."

Joke Golf: "Yes, General. The wiggly line has some funny bumps in it. No, not like before, these look more like sailboats. The sound is kind of a 'blip blip bleep' that repeats. Yes... Yes... No sir... Understood.  I'll turn the little thing with a picture of a bunny by it. How's that? Turn the flower one too? Yes sir. No, the noise is now like a 'wee-ow wee-ow' and the shiny bell went 'ding'. We are now clear to launch missiles. Fire when ready."

Joke Hotel: "Yes. I am receiving the carrier signal. Thoughts are clearing. Breathing is normalizing. I will now watch Fox News for further instructions. Communication ends."

Joke India: "Yes, I know honey. I'm sorry it's annoying, but when I talk in a high squeaky voice, the little line looks exactly like a profile of two flower pots, except one of them has a big nose. Huh? Too bad. The squeaky voice stays!"

Joke Juliet: "Hello, thank you for calling Comcast. This call may be monitored for training purposes. My name is LaTrey, how can I help you? Yes, well, what kind of problem are you having sir? Uh-huh. Have you tried cycling power on your modem? Okay, are you sure the cable is connected to the back of your computer? Well, I'm sure one of these knobs in front of me will fix your problem, but our records show that You've been a Comcast customer for over five years and are therefore unlikely to cancel your contract or you would have done so by now. So, I'd like to invite you to go fuck yourself and thank you for calling Comcast, soon to be renamed Xfinity."


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