Ivory Flakes - I hope it's a stocking.

The Ivory soap company is the hero of overposed models. Once again, they bring us an ad with a woman trapped in balletic reverie.

The woman in the top picture isn't being especially weird. She's just exploring pictures of plants, choosing which one to capture and add to her Skirt of Dead Plants. "Soon I will have THIS plant on my skirt also, and then I will have all the plants in the land, to wear on my Skirt of dead Plants! Except for that funny weed I saw behind the AM-PM Mini-Mart. I must have that one, too! It shall be mine. Curse your security cameras, AM-PM Mini-Mart!"

No, the subject of our derision today is the blissed-out woman being entranced by her stocking. She had to stop, partially dressed, hypnotized by the glory of her perfectly laundered stocking.

Notice that she's dressing on a lighted stage, where living approaches the unreal... for those who think and feel. I hope Rush isn't waiting for her to trigger the smoke machine or anything. With such finely washed undergarments, it could be hours before she snaps out of it. The irony of her working on the stage crew for Rush is that she is clearly not in touch with some reality beyond the gilded cage. Her brain is miles away.

I'm assuming that's a stocking she's holding. It's wrong of me to assume that. She could simply be a reptile-lady marveling at her first molting. "Such a lovely thing is my former skin. What magic brings this feeling of a lower leg, fresh and renewed? How dare I have so many skins, each more tender and smooth than the last? I stand humbled, O nature, O circle of life. I thank you for my molted skin."

Or, maybe she's getting dreamy over one of her husband's enormous condoms? Nah. I prefer the lizard story.

Actually, back in 1951, when this ad ran, seeing a woman in such a state of undress was pretty racy - not much different than the pinups of the time. It would have been a trouser-moistening event, should any man of the time have picked up this copy of McCalls and found the picture, in some vulnerable state."Damn hell, Kent! Lookit her! Why, she's wearing nothing more than several layers of fabric! She's practically nearly nude, in a way! I, uuh, I need to go comb my hair!"

She looks so happy, all spaced out like that. She's definitely getting on with the fascination, the real relation. The underlying theme. The real relation. The underlyyy-ing theeeeeeeme! I wish I still made mix CD's. She'd be perfect cover art for a collection of live Rush tunes, since the picture looks so much like the cover of Exit... Stage Left. The trouble with using live tracks in a mix tape/CD is, you hear the crowd noise changing as one track transitions to another. Fix THAT, ivory flakes!