11/9/10

Anacin - Relief for evil eyebrows.

Businessmen, housewives, evil scientists, do you suffer from tense nervous headaches brought on by your unfulfilled desire to take over the world? Sure. We all do. But did you know that, for your day-to-day megacrime-related aches and pains, Anacin is better than aspirin?

That's right. Anacin contains not one or two, but a combination of medically proven ingredients. Anacin acts to (1) relieve pain, letting you concentrate on completing your ultimate doomsday device, (2) calm nerves, making you much less likely to murder one of your own minions demanding to know why you are surrounded by fools, and (3) fight depression when some leotarded pansy manages to save the city by destroying your secret subterranean laboratory. And Anacin does not upset the stomach, even those lined with titanium, or those with a polycarbonate viewing window implanted in the abdominal wall.

Anacin does all these things better than aspirin...

-Does not suppress rage-related periods of monsterism.

-Clears the mind of contrition, mercy, introspection, cajolery, and other pathetic, weak human emotions.

-Does not interfere with hypnotic mind powers or laser eye-beams.

-Helps to shield the mind from outside influences like telepathy and mind reading.

-Helps to maintain clear, accurate clairvoyance.

-Acts fast to relieve pain without suppressing paranoia, suspicion, and veiled, boiling resentment towards even the staunchest of allies.

Anacin is available without an evil doctor's prescription, not because you probably are one, but because it's safe, and that's something you can count on for your whole sinister family. Keep some Anacin in your medicine cabinet in your underground bunker or hollowed out volcano, won't you?

2 comments:

Sue said...

She looks like a character from one of my favorite Twilight Zone episodes!

Phil Are Go! said...

She's also like any random alien race on Star Trek Next Gen. All aliens (apart from those who were just masks) were humans with differently wrinkled foreheads.

Thanks, Sue!

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