5/16/11

Kentile Glendura - Breakfast, Mr Bond?

Ah! Double Oh Seven. I'm so glad you could join me for a light breakfast... before I disjoint you for a light break, fast!
I can tell by the look on your face that you enjoyed my little pun. I do so like to entertain my most uninvited guests before I dispose of them. And, I like to feed them strange futuristic foods, as well. Would you care for a "pop-tart", Mr. Bond? I think you'll find the filling most "straw-buried". Nya hah hah.

Yes, those are real plants, Mr. Bond. You may not have seen their like before. I hand-picked them and had them imported at great expense from a shop in Evanston. That's right. Evanston! What? You didn't know my reach extended so far? I think you'll find you underestimated me once again, Mr. Bond.

Please, sit down with me on the breakfast plinth and let us dicuss matters of global import. I think you'll find it's quite escape-proof. The steel railings are waist high, so don't bother trying to step over them. You cannot escape your grapefruit and Captain Crunch. You might as well accept your fate. I think you'll find the tartness of the grapefruit is excruciating when eaten with super-sweet Captain Crunch. You should have thought of that before you circumvented my security measures and killed so many of my guards!

I noticed that my men left you in a weakened state, and as a result you were dragging your feet as you entered. It's no use. My floors are Kentile Glendura, so they're quite scuff-resistant. Do your worst, Mr. Bond. The luxurious vinyl beauty will last for years.

Oh, but I see your coffee has grown cold from our dialogue, rich with subtext. I'll freshen your cup, just as soon as I turn around and reach for the coffee pot here on the stove, which you'll notice, is... Blast! Where's he gone? Guards! Find him!

You may have escaped for now, Double Oh Seven, but when I find you, I'll make you eat toast and jam soon after brushing your teeth. You'll no doubt be paralyzed by the clashing flavors and drop your toast upside down on my floor. No matter. It's Kentile Glendura.

5 comments:

Sue said...

That is the coolest kitchen for Breakfast As A Show!! Dinner Theater has got NOTHING on that place!

Phil Are Go! said...

Yes, but I'd swap out the vinyl floor for a solid plate of stainless steel. My cereal collection would rise out of the floor on a hydraulic pedestal. The breakfast plinth can be made from blue pebbles, teeth of my fallen enemies suspended in glass, or whatever.

Thanks, Sue!

Phil Jr. said...

The "wide, wide" rolls are a whole 6 feet wide!? That is just too wide. I cant believe it. I refuse to believe it. That would mean a minimum 2 seams running across this room. With no real pattern to speak of, that would be a real beauty of a floor.
*long, sustained whistle*
Make it a plinth-go-round and I'll take it.

Phil Are Go! said...

I see no reason a villain would make a round breakfast plinth and NOT make it a motorized turntable. The better to survey world destruction while enjoying a rasher of bacon.

Thanks my jokey doppleganger!

Charenn29 said...

CooL!

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