Today we bring you fierce bloodsport from 1961. This ad, soliciting sales representatives for Studio Girl cosmetics features some excellent Disembodied Floating Heads. They all want to be the supreme DFH, but which is worthy? There's only one way to find out. Heads, FIGHT!
First combatant: Anita Born, of East Alton, Illinois! She's looking trim and ready with her neatly deleted neck. That's a great start, Born! We like your curly bulb of non-specific retro hair, too. Wham! Ooooh, but that smile looks sincere and candid. It looks like you were photographed while having a pleasant conversation. Not very creepy! We're not paying you to talk! Just hover and leer at people! You may think you're weird with your no-neckness and your hair bulb, but you've got a lot to learn about being unsettling! Defeated! Kabloom! Come back next season, Born! You're outta here!
Next combatant: What's this? The very president of Studio Girl, Harry Taylor himself, of Glendale, California? That's right! Taylor looks serious and creepy with his authoritative glower. That mile-high chess club forehead just screams " I have a secret psionic attack", and the under-developed jaw tells us he was a bit of a sissy in school, so he's got lots of pent-up frustration to fuel his fight. He's looking good so far! Oh, but he's just a little too handsome! That L.A. tan doesn't scare us one bit! Taylor, your financial success has gone to your Disembodied Floating Head. You're not hungry enough to wear the crown. Defeated! Bashooooom!
Next combatant: Jack Terwilliger, straight out of Fresno! Terwilliger comes on strong with a goofy name that sounds like a dirty gym teacher, and his photo is poorly lit, too! We can hardly tell if he has a moustache or if those are just bags under his eyes! Terwilliger's feeling strong! What's this? You call that a neck nub? We can still see some of your neck, Terwilliger! Trim that shit and come back in a year, when you're ready to nail the details! Defeated! Bloooosh!
Next combatant: Helen Uhlir the Cooler, from Tuscon! Wham! Helen hits hard with her schoolmarm hairdo and those Far Side lunch-lady glasses. Ow! And that smile? Is it a smile, or a kind of forced grimace? Creep-a-licious! She's got the judges reeling, but she's not done yet. Is that a mole on her chin or just a printing anomaly Wait. We have a ruling on the mole. It's a black dot that fits inbetween the screen dots. It's not a mole, but they're giving her the point just for sheer moxie! Uhlir the Cooler crushes the competition by showing that she clearly does not use the product she purports to sell! Ka-foom! Helen Uhlir wins!