1957 Vision Training - Hold still. Don't blink. Try not to scream.

Joke #1 -  My God! 3D TV is SO much better than my plasma screen! You can really momentarily perceive the illusion of depth, offset by long stretches of brain-hurting blurriness! And it only costs 30% more than my crappy old 56 inch plasma screen? I'd be stupid NOT to buy one! Oh, hey, what if I want to have friends over for as movie? ... I said "How do I watch a movie with friends?" ...Hello?

Joke #2 - Building on the success of the Wii, and convinced that it can do no wrong, Nintendo re-introduced the Virtual Boy at the 2010 E3 expo. Crowd response was baffled but enthusiastic, and Nintendo accepted over 23,000 irritated pre-orders in five hours. One ambivalent fanboy was quoted as saying "I don't understand why this is fun, and the demo gave me a headache, but I guess I have to want one." Consoles will ship in time for the holiday season and will come with two pack-in games: "Mario Staring Derby" and "Super Don't Blink".

Joke #3 - Deep inside the Fox News bunker, network employees enjoy the finest in day-care services. Here, two lucky children receive critical brain updates direct from the hive mind.

Joke #4 - Extended wear contacts, 1957. Contact lenses at that time required constant flushing with saline, which in turn required filtration and aeration. To solve the "portability problem" of the new contact lenses, the table was fitted with wheels.

Joke #5 - An early East German Viewmaster prototype, circa 1949. Popular Viewmaster reels of the time were "Depth of Emptiness", "Broken Tree", "Hound Who Cried", "Tiny Stones Vol. 2", and "Look at Chair".

Joke #6 - Cern, Switzerland. Plagued with technical setbacks and functional delays, the Collision Analysis Team at the Large Hadron Collider has introduced additional personnel. Despite the LHC being offline at the time of the report, the new team announced the detection of a bunny and two ponies after only fifteen minutes on the job.


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