Furnishing Guide 1967 - Guest Columnist

Much like Phil hoo-man, Gronk not like 70s. Gronk suspect reason he got job here because Gronk not "rock the boat" by liking 70s things. Hoo-mans make ugly houses that deserve smashing, burning, in 70s. Hoo-mans smoke plants in 70s. Pathetic, squishy hoo-mans.

That why Gronk surprised to find ad for "Home Furnishing Guide" that not look like captain's cabin on drug dealer's fancy boat. So nice! Gronk think modernism shows more restraint than Mediterranean clutter that came afterwards.
Gronk think that good to see "Danish Modern" still hanging on a little in late 60s. Ugly "Spanish Romantic" junk not invade hoo-mans villages all at once, like Gronk thought. Gronk like to live in cover shot of Faimly Circle 1967 Home Furnishings Guide! Gronk put feet up on coffee table and admire high ceiling with wood beams. Dream about having book club meetings in comfortable, sophisticated family room.

Gronk like stone wall made of rocks. make Gronk feel like close to Earth. Feel safe.

Gronk like colors: predominately warm tones with blue accents. Bright but controlled.

Gronk really like vertical window next to rock wall. Make high ceiling feel even higher. Room have enough space to dance, fight, do reenactments of great battles, or have candle party.

Gronk like juxtaposition of clean, straight lines and natural lines, like coffee table made of tree-piece. Tree-piece coffee table contrast with other furniture in form, but harmonize in color. Gronk think that clever. Make laugh. BAW haw haw! Clever little hoo-mans.

Soon after 1967, Interior design go down hill. Hoo-mans make things "groovy". Fill walls with macrame owls and orange daisy decals. If Gronk go back to 1967, Gronk go on TV and shout at hoo-mans to stop before too late. "Gronk come from future to warn foolish hoo-mans soon make mistake that take decades to fix! Hoo-mans not become 'groovy'! Graaaah!". Of course, hoo-mans not listen. Probably get scared when gronk do frustration-shout and call "security". Then Gronk grab "security" and squish heads, make good one-liner. "Who secure now?" Gronk shout.

1967 probably not like Gronk to visit.


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