By directing carefully metered doses of radiation lawnward, growth of grass is inhibited. Lack of growth can be heard in headphones as silence. Eliminates need for mowing and other grueling exercise. Lawn must be free of insects and other fauna due to side effect of random animal gigantism. May cause genital atrophy. Lead-lined "spy coat" sold separately. Also marketed as "Dr Proud's Genital Enlargement Health Ray".
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| Finger indicating difference between tall and short things. |
Unfortunate "bathroom events" no longer mean suffering through choking clouds of air freshener spray. Protective rubber suit and forced-air system allows free breathing despite ambient potpourri assault. Available range of additives offer choice of freshly scented private air supply. Available scents: Elfin Expulsion, Floral Aftermath, Spring Relief, Trout Parade, Odor #5.
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