Antiques Creepshow - Cherish with gritted teeth.

The Garage Sale Assault Squad mistakenly invaded (with minor regrettable loss of life) several antique stores in the Midwest to offer you these possible heirlooms for a limited time only. Imagine these jimcracks gathering dust on your shelves, next to the other bric-a-brac and festoonery.

Who remembers the Seventies? I do, I do! This doll is a lot like the Seventies. Unrealistic to the point of being kind of scary, it kind of gives you a headache, and it's probably slightly damp. Treasure the many moments brought to you in the Seventies with this adorable saucer-eyed go-go girl. Neckless and cylindrical, her limbs are as limber and floppy as ever, ready to mashed-potato her way into your heart... probably via one of the ventricles.

Order today for fast delivery. Ships in a ziplock bag, to keep the smell in.

If your child doesn't have this train with rolling eyes, she/he/he-she is a wuss. Made from real dead trees, when you pull this little choo-choo across the floor, the eyes look up and down, everywhere at once and at nothing at all. If your dear one can sleep with this train in the room, nothing will scare her/him/herhim at all! For extra toughness training, wait till your child is asleep and put the train  right next to the pillow, staring him/her/shehe in the eyeballs. When the screams stop, your child is ready for camp. He/she/ will thank you some day, maybe even from a state run institution. Ships with gaffer tape over the eyes.

Who's this dapper little fellow? Its our old friend from the Neighborhood of Make Believe: woodworker and all-around noodge Cornflake S. Pecially.

After the cancellation of Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, he took life kind of hard, going kind of wild without the structured life that forty years of TV production provides. He liked the nose candy, eventually losing all the cartilage in the region. Here is a rare figurine of ol' Corny without his prosthetic nose, dressed to the nines and still ready to entertain. He's ready to build you some chairs for all your puppets, which incidentally can't sit down. Won't you give him a home in your chair factory?