Georgia-Pacific Paneling - (Insert randomly selected "wood" joke here.)

If you own a house that existed before 1982, chances are you filled a dumpster with paneling at some point. Or, maybe you're still living with it, procrastinating about the huge headache and expense involved in de-panelining-ing a house.We have Georgia-Pacific to thank for selling us the idea back in The Sixties.
The serving suggestion in this ad shows you what kind of thrill-a-minute life you could lead if only you had some paneling in your rumpus room.

Let us make it clear that "rumpus" does not include "rumpy pumpy". Not for this guy. Not with her. She's clearly ready to go, having perched herself playfully on the ping pong table, and having chosen to wear a fairly sexy dress on this "date". They must be taking a break after a vigorous game of P'P'. Shew! Wipe that brow!

He's trying really hard not to stare at her chest. he's concentrating so hard you can hear him chanting to himself: "Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down..." If his concentration breaks for a split second, his eyes would snap down to her boobs and the date would take a very different turn, but it won't. He could get some, if he knew how. No woman plays ping pong in a sun dress because she likes ping pong. However, Rufus won't close the deal. Not a chance. He's too nervous. It was a major victory for him just to match navy blue pants with a navy blue shirt. Well done, Rufus. Maybe it's all one piece? You know: navy blue overalls? They could be pausing for a quick game of ping pong, then it's back to replacing the J-trap under her kitchen sink for him. Yeah. he's just the fix-it man. No way is this a date.

It's likely that she'll be calling Handyman Rufus again in twenty years to tear out the paneling. She'll be divorced, and eager to begin her new life by putting in a media room downstairs. It'll be 1982 by then, so the walls will be textured with either feather painting or rag rolling. Pink and teal. Furniture will be piano black and chrome. Maybe this time he can close the deal? Don't miss your second chance, Rufus.

Click for big.


Jim Dillon said...

Is it just me, or is the "New Faces for Old Rooms" banner an actual poster hanging on the paneling?

Now that I look more closely, it seems like that hair is actually on Rufus's head, too - - not a woodchuck p-shopped in like we'd do today.

By the way, April Fool.

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