Flower Room - Good morning, you're blind.

Good morning Home Ec Floweristas! Are you ready to put some punch into a rusty old spare perfectly good bedroom? It's time to pour liquid hot color into your eyes with our retina-bouncing flower motif! Flower power!
Begin by sprinting down to your wallpaper store and head for the bin marked "returns". People are always bringing back wonderful papers that they let their daughters pick, only to find that they don't have the backbone to put it on their walls. Your eyes have backbone. Let's shout at them with some color! Grab several rolls of the most-flowered paper in the bin, and get home fast, before the sales staff, customers, or store neurologists can advise you against your decision.

Back at home, apply the paper using some kind of procedure. The great thing about our flowered wallpaper is that you don't need to do lots of "surface prep". You'd be hard pressed to notice if you got a pot roast stuck under the paper. Jut get the glue up there and toss up the paper. You could be really careful, but it won't make a difference.

There. Your walls have some color. Does the room still feel too echoey and non-cozy? Help the walls to close in a little with a mirror on the wall. You'd think that the mirror would add cavernous space to the room, but nope!
 If you hang the mirror at an inward angle, you can get that room-is-collapsing-on-me feeling that Van Gogh tried three times to get just right in his Bedroom in Arles painting. Good thing we got our bedroom perfect the first time! You'll also notice that, hung this way, the mirror adds all sorts of crazy angles to the room so that you'll have trouble finding the door. Who'd want to leave anyway? You don't want to leave. Don't leave. The room is too precious.

Now add a bed cube with a quilted flower bedspread, some flowers, some other flowers, a book of flowers, some plants, some vases with flowers, and some pretend Greek statues, and your bedroom will seem to hug you so hard you'll think it has abandonment issues. Now never leave the room or it will make you pay. No, really. Don't you dare try to leave the room. Good morning!

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Jim Dillon said...

This room guarantees long-term virginity. How, you ask? Well I'll tell you. As long as you're in here, you'll never be completely de-flowered.

You're welcome.

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

BAM! Take THAT, stupid room! Way to give it to that shitty room, Jim! Thanks for commenting!


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