Gift Ideas from Esquire, 1957 - For the two-percenters of yestertime.

For those of you living in 1957, it may be hard to pick just the right gift for the moneyed playboy / socialite on your list. Apart from simply ignoring him / her, consider these gifts which will surely earn a half smile before being tossed in a closet, unopened, as soon as you leave. Then, consider wondering why you associate with spoiled pricks like that.

A pastel train, because the only problem girls have with toy trains is the color. This delightful model from Lionel is sure to please girls of all ages, just like the cowboy-themed tea set that was such a huge hit with your son. Buy it for her, leave it in the box for fifty years, auction it, and use the proceeds to buy her something she'll really want by then, like bourbon, or a therapist, or a therapist that serves bourbon.

"They had rechargeable batteries in 1957??" you say? They sure did! Sort of! This smart General Electric transistor radio comes in a carrying case with a battery charger. On a full charge, radio can nearly make it to the end of The Chipmunks Christmas Song, which is probably longer than you'll want it to.

Pastel handguns! because the only thing women don't like about guns is the color. These adorable "weapons of miss destruction" are available in purse-friendly .22 caliber - just right for surprising your "connected" boyfriend when he finds out you're cheating on him. He's probably cheating on you too. Also available: scented bullets, so he will always remember who killed him. For the wannabe gun moll in your life.

Aaaaaactually, these cameranoculars are kind of cool. Can't think of any jokes about them. Sorry.