More Gift Ideas - Mink means "frikkin classy"!

Know what says "I'm frikkin classy and shit"? If your answer was "Sensible investments to provide for the long term stability of my family and enjoying a predetermined allotment of my wealth within the boundaries of tasteful restraint.", then your answer is an idiot. It's mink, baby! Nothing tells the world you've arrived like peeling the skin from cute furry animals, not for practical reasons like warmth or survival, but to feed your sense of tacky abandon. Mink me up, baby!

If you think your butt cheeks are warm enough sitting on your imitation fur toilet seat cover, you're not thinking luxuriousfully enough! You call yourself rich? Shut up and get a mink one! Also, punch your butler because you can.

Wait. It only covers the lid, not the seat? And you can't really sit on it while takin' care of bidness? Get it anyway. You've already got your giant checkbook out. hey, wait. Know what tells everyone you're classy and rich? Sitting on the lid and taking a dump right on the mink doohickey because you don't care! Also, you're probably still drunk from all that cognac you drank out of the bathtub.

Sure, if you're really rich, your butler probably makes all your drinks, but you just punched him and he's restingyou'll want to do it yourself when you get these mink bar whatchacallems. Bottle opener and stopper shaped kinda like ladies, with mink trim. Too bad the stopper is bottle-sized and not bathtub-sized, because, you know, that's what you drink from.

Mink clothespins are nice, but that's only halfway classy. Glitter? Now you're talkin'. If your lady asks why she still does the laundry if you're so rich, just punch her. That'll show her who's classy.


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