Inventioney Advancements of the Future - Science up, you!

New "trumpet condom" prevents unwanted pregnancy, unwanted Herb Alpertness.

Hilarious "children's chariot" can be easily built by average handyman. Fun for nearly whole family.
Designer recommends gelding potential steeds for greater manageability, increased show tunes.

New "anti-window kit" conveniently covers hideous windows, shields homeowner from The Yellow Face, creates ideal space to guard your precious. Manufacturer not liable for treachery from tricksy little hobbitses.