Loving the new phone.

Joke #1 - Madge's new Bell telephone would make it so much easier to take care of day-to-day errands. Stalking her ex-husband, harassing the sewer department, and tracking the movements of her children, for example.

Joke #2 - "I'm sorry, mother, you'll have to speak up - I've hung up on you!"

Joke #3 - By simply unplugging her wonderful new Bell telephone, Madge could ensure that the young handsome repair man would visit her bedroom any day she needed him.

Joke #4 - "BEverly5 - 0811"...  "BEverly5 - 0811"... "I said BEV-ER-LEE FIVE OH EIGHT ELEVEN godammit!"

Joke #5 - Madge could hardly wait to have her new 'i-Phone installed. The technician was nearly done connecting the iBilicus Cord, which would snap into a socket in her skull and make all her thoughts and dreams the express property of Apple, Inc. She used these last exciting minutes to practice holding her i-Phone in the way that interfered with reception the least.

Joke #6 comes to us from Misterfancyhotballs_2. Thanks, Fancy! - How nice & weighty this phone is" thought Madge. And there's more than enough phone cord to tie him into the carpet she would have to remove- because of all the blood. Tonight indeed, she would: DIAL "M" FOR MURDER! Mwhahahaha!

My jokey doppleganger Fil grants unto us yon Joke #7. Thanks, Fil! - "my nu fone iz so kewlz!! i m texting u on it rite nowz!! OMG WTF LOL JK"

Anonymous (who is really Tommy Tutone, let's be honest) sent us joke #8. Thanks Thomas! - You've reached Jenny at 867-5309. Are you ready for a good time?

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.   -Mgmt.]