Jiminy Christmas! A Columbia Motobike! Also, WTF is a "Motobike"? Also, WTF does "Jiminy Christmas" mean?

What does every horsetoothed boy want to see under the necessarily abnormally tall tree on Christmas morning, but a Columbia motobike! Am I right people? And as for you FRAN-CIS, it's not for sale!

I never heard of Columbia bikes. I guess they were The Shit back in The Fifties, and by the time I was ready for some hot tire-on-pavement action, Huffy was The Shit. Little did I know that Huffy was just plain shit.

"Mark my words, Pee-Wee,  your bike will be mine!
Then I'll be the one called Pee-Wee!"

Anyoldhoo, this Columbia is just the ticket to get sinister old Francis (who apparently was a thirty-eight-year-old-manboy, just like Pee-Wee) scheming away at how to get his hands on it. This is well, because the saddle on this Columbia is tilted up at such an angle that whoever winds up owning it will be in no danger of making babies with anyone any time soon, and I think Francis is best left un-childed. As a rule of thumb, your seat won't mess up your junk if you keep the surface pretty much level with the ground and keep your butt on the back of the saddle, where it belongs. You don't need any weird holes in your saddle as long as you know how to adjust it right. How did the dad in this ad ever get to be a father if that's how he puts a saddle on a bike?

Oh yeah, before I forget. Apparently "Jiminy Christmas" was a kooky way to say "Jesus Christ" when you're angry, but not angry enough to swear.

Yeah yeah, whatever. Look at the frikkin gums on that kid! Jeez oh man! This calls for a little extraction. Phil Are GO! Graphic Blandishent and Photoshoppery Squad, assemble! Pkshow! Okay team, pull that kid out of his ad and give him to me on alpha, stat!

Here's old Horseteeth at 2000 pixels tall, on transparent alpha, ready to enhance just about anything you care to offer him.

Click for normal Horseteeth.

And just because you got an honest face, here's an extra-gummy version of him as well.

Click for extra-gummy Horseteeth.

And here's a serving suggestion of the kind of fun he can have over all your graphics. He's pointing at Toronto Mayor Rob Ford attacking Council member Pam McConnell. See how he makes everything better? It's just that easy! You're welcome!

Click for big