Sportsmanlike Driving, Pt. 10 - Driving! Doing it. How to?

Today, we cover another chapter of Sportsmanlike Driving. Today's topic is on "the rules of the road" or "how to drive and stuff".

Fig. 171 shows you the importance of signaling when you plan to pass on the shoulder.
But always lookout for the always dangerous "Atak Trucks". You should only pass these vehicles with another "sacrificial car" between you and this potentially deadly monster, as shown in Fig. 171.
In busy cities during times of heavy traffic., lanes may run in different directions, depending on the time of day. This is why it's so important to to be sure your watch is synchronized with the State Traffic Clock, to avoid a moist, chunky-style death.

In wintery conditions, special precautions must be taken:
1. test road conditions by stopping your car and examining the road surface. Consider tasting the road for saltiness. A safe winter road should taste like a potato chip.

2. Drive at lower speeds. If anything really gnarly happens, you'll want to be able to describe it to your children in great detail.

3. Follow at longer distances, to gather more speed as you rear end the driver in front of you.

4. Use tire chains, to safely tear the shit out of the pavement. This will lead to a more "texturized" road surface, for better traction, and thus, more safety.

5. Keep windshield clean. Snow makes an excellent cleaner. Also remember that urine freezes at a lower temperature than water. Hey, just saying.

6. Avoid foolish driving acts, such as steering, braking, or moving in any direction.


Jim D. said...

Boy, that takes me back to those northern Wisconsin winters. Our '67 Ford station wagon's windshield would be coated with a haze of dried salt - - was our dad too cheap to fill the washer tank? - - so he'd pull over and make us stumble out into the ditch to gather clean snow ("NO!! FARTHER AWAY FROM THE ROAD WHERE THE SNOW IS WHITE YOU IDIOTS!") to scrub the windshield with. Of course, a 9-year-old can only reach the lower corner of the windshield, so we'd be ordered to throw the snow, but not in the form of snowballs of course . . . nothing we did was ever good enough [sob].

Jim D. said...

Then in high school, trying to explain to Dad why there was frost on the INSIDE of the windows the morning after I borrowed the Buick to go to the movies. My explanation never satisfied him, though when I described her underwear and the scent of her hair I could tell I came pretty close . . .

PhilAreGo@gmail.com said...

Sounds like your high school experiences were way better than mine.

Steve Miller said...

"Foggy windows, feet on the dashboard/I found the meaning of love."
— "Foggy Windows," The Screaming Gypsy Bandits, 1973

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